Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Blog on Demand

(I asked my sister Elena what she thought I should blog about tonight. Her reply was peanut butter. OK, Elena, this blog's for you.)

One of Charles Schultz's little philosophers- it was probably Charlie Brown- noted, "Peanut butter sticks to the roof of your mouth when you're lonely." I don't have this problem. The problem is that I like my peanut butter sandwiches thick, and it gets stuck in my esophagus, making me double over in agony until it finally slides its way down to my stomach. This causes me to postulate, "Peanut butter sticks to the inside of your esophagus when you're gluttonous." However, I'm only gluttonous when I'm depressed. So my theorem is now changed to "Peanut butter sticks to the inside of your esophagus when you're depressed."

The next step is to wash down the painful peanut butter with milk. This causes the effects to go away. So now, I can clearly say, "milk helps alleviate the effects of depression." I'm planning on buying a dairy and selling milk by prescription at $100 a pint. If I get the right money to the right people, I'm sure the FDA will get right behind me. Until you cheap bastards start buying your prescription milk from Canada…



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