Friday, January 28, 2005

New York City Moments

These are moments I witnessed throughout my day:

Announcement on the subway: "This is the F as in PHONE train. Repeat, this is the F as in PHONE train."

Homeless man on the F as in PHONE train: "The Daily News is the devil! The Daily News is the tool of the corrupt Bloomberg administration. When you spend fifty cents on the Daily News, you are supporting child murderers, and defiling the heroes of 9/11. Bloomberg paid the cops in Connecticut to take my job away and steal my car, because I didn't want to pay city taxes. Do you have a quarter? Whenever you use a public phone, put a penny in first. This way you'll know if the criminals at Verizon have jammed up the coin slot so they can steal your money without connecting your call." (The only reason I remember this tirade so well is because this wacko was standing next to me on the packed subway and repeated his litany over and over again until I finally reached my stop.)

On the 6 train: An elderly man was about to sit down when a teenager dove over and plopped her toushie down before he could sit. The woman next to her snorted, stood up, and offered the man her seat. He shook his head and refused. The snotty teenager gave the woman a triumphant look, as if she had been vindicated.

In McDonalds: Man 1 was in line. Man 2 entered & stepped up behind him. The following dialogue ensued:

Man 2: You budged in front of me!

Man 1: Excuse me?

Man 2: I've been here all morning, and you budged in front of me!

Woman: No he didn't, he's been here.

Man 2: Oh, that's breeding for you. Your mamma should have brought you up right.

Man 1: Go away!

Woman: I told you, he was here before you.

Man 2: I hope you choke! I hope they spit in your food! I hope it tastes really muthaf**king bad! (Man 1 ignores him completely at this point.) Some people! Yeah, I hope it tastes like rubber.

(Obviously, since we were at McDonalds, these curses came true. Except, hopefully, the bit about spitting in the food. Then again, who knows, it might help with digestion.)



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