Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Tony Explains it All

My son Joe asks all the important questions. Most deal with Star Wars. While nothing can beat my all time favorite, "Since they call Darth Vader Lord Vader- is Darth Vader Jesus?"- he recently asked a good one:

Why does Darth Vader call the Emperor his Master? I explained that only dogs have masters, people don't. No one can MAKE themselves your master, you have to LET them be your master. So why does Darth Vader pretend he's a dog? This one took a little thinking. I finally explained that people are responsible for the things they do, but dogs aren't. So if Darth Vader pretends he's a dog, he can pretend that he's not responsible for the bad things he does- though, of course, he really is. Sadly, there are many people in the world who can't figure this out. A good way to detect someone you want to stay the hell away from is if they use the phrase "You made me _____."

A non-Star Wars question is, "Are green things good for you?" Sadly to say, Joe, the color green is really plant poop. Plants eat light- all light- except for the color green. They reflect the color green. Green is foliagic poison, green is plant excrement. Yes, Ralph Nader is the candidate of the Plant Excrement Party.

If anyone has any more questions they want me to answer with all my brilliance, go ahead. I'll be happy to ask someone else & pretend the answers are mine.



steve said...

Ok, Tony. My question is:

In Citizen Kane, the character in the begining is dying and drops the globe while saying 'platinum rosebud'. But how could anyone in the movie know he said this as he died due to the fact that he died alone ?
Is it a cop-out to say that a nurse was in the room at the time ? Sounds like a plot hole big enough to drive a truck through !


Anonymous said...

Can K9 melt?

Ian T. said...

A good way to detect someone you want to stay the hell away from is if they use the phrase "You made me _____."

Correct! There's no dealing with anyone who is incapable of ever taking any responsibility for anything - truly scary people!

Tony LaRocca said...

Steve- (platinum?) I think it was the nurse- or perhaps the butler. I'm pretty sure it's the butler, though I don't remember why.

Anonymous- K9 only melts when he's in heat...

Ian- even more frightening are those who demand that you take responsibility for their "unrequited" love & generosity.

Anyone else? :)

lyn said...

Do cows get bored ?

Tony LaRocca said...

Lyn, I think I'll answer that one in your very own post...