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Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Excitement! Drama! Fresh Fruit!

"You didn’t ask me what I wanted for father's day," my father chided me over the phone.

"That's because you always say, 'Nothing, don't waste your money,'" I replied. I had, in fact, bought my father hard copies of Scott Adams's God's Debris (which is available as a free e-book,) & its sequel The Religion War. "What did you want?"

"I want you to go to church & say a prayer for me." My parents have never accepted my conversion from Catholicism to Pastafarianism.

"I'll pray for you, but if God is everywhere, why do I have to go to a church?" I asked.

My mother joined in then. "We're praying for you, but you have to pray for yourself too."

"I have been," I told her. "But since I keep praying for the same things over & over, I think God's become bored with me."

I keep forgetting the walls have ears, because while tucking my son in, he asked, "Does God get bored with us?"

"No," I lied. (Joe still has not gotten over his terror that in five billion years the sun will explode.) "I was just teasing Grandma. I’m allowed." Jumping Jesus on a pogo stick, how could God not be bored with us? Between television, surfing the net, video games, and our love/hate obsession with an act that even bugs perform- how could God be at all interested? Oh, I’m sure here & there we've caught his eye, like when we nuked Hiroshima & Nagasaki, (though the second time the novelty had probably worn off,) and the moon landings probably made him say, "Neat!" Jesus, DaVinci, Einstein & Hitler probably got his attention, but I bet he wonders why everyone is still drooling over Shakespeare. (Secretly, I bet a lot of English & Drama professors do too. It's probably just that no one wants to be the first to admit that the emperor has no clothes.)

So I ask you, (assuming for argument's sake that God is a separate- which I personally don't believe- all powerful & omnipotent entity,) what do you think someone would have to do to get His attention? What would make Him (or Her if you're inclined) stop flipping channels & say, "Wow! Come here & look at this!" It doesn’t have to be something possible with current technology, but it does have to be something new. Take a second & let me know.

TTFN

Tony

12 comments:

Rayne said...

Now I have something new to lie awake thinking about. Have you come up with anything yet?

Anonymous said...

Not that I personally encourage this type of behaviour ... but mayyyybeeee i'd stop flipping channels & say, "Wow! Come here & look at this!" if Tony did go to Church and pray for his Dad ...

Anonymous said...

by the way ... I'm a her!

Anonymous said...

HER! With a Capital at the beginning of Her.

I AM PERFECT!!!

french toast girl said...

God seems to be tuned in to my channel pretty regularly. I sometimes have bene guilty of creating static and not broadcasting anything.

Pat Angello said...

I heard a great story about a guy visiting Denver from NY. He was in an Arby's of all places and a homeless young man came up and asked for money so he could buy some fries. The visitor said, "I won't give you money, but I will buy you a meal."

The visitor did indeed buy a meal for the homeless man, and as he was walking out, he noticed the homeless man sharing his meal with a group of others. The visitor went back in and bought 20 value meals for the homeless man's group of friends.

God notices acts of kindness.

scarecrow said...

I bet we could get a rise out of God if we dumped Abe Lincolon and put his face on the 5 dollar bill.

Later

Tony LaRocca said...

True- but the hard part would be getting him to stand still long enough to pose!

String said...

Awe Tony get a clue, God is purely a figment of Goddess's imagination (she got bored one day and look what happened!)-thus you are asking something/one that doesn't exist to pay attention!

TXArtcGal said...

OH...I think God pays attention to everything. Just ask my daughter. The minute she does something wrong, God sends her a message. "No, I won't do the dishes...I'm not your maid" *BAM!* "Ouch! I stubbed my toe!" (that was the last time she gave me THAT comment!) "Mom, my room is a mess for a reason...it is MY room, and I'm going to keep it this way." *CRASH* "Oh no! My favorite mirror just fell off the wall and broke!" This just shows how God has a sense of humor.

Her said...

I'm not watching yet...

Anonymous said...

HER! Her!!!!