The washing machine upstairs, it mocks me, MOCKS ME with it's off-center-load rumbling! I know it's plotting to neuter me with it's hidden cotton cycle. I'm going to creep up the fire escape and drive a knife into it's cruel, soapy lint trap.
How can you tell if lemon juice has gone bad? Would it taste sweet?
Why does everything I eat taste like food?
I definitely must XXmXXX XXXXXXXX one of these days. I would have done it years ago, but the wife won't let me.
When your left buttock shrivels up, turns black, and falls off- is that something you should see a doctor about?
Is it only funny if the person you want to impress is laughing at it?