StatCounter

Monday, July 17, 2006

Thoughts that Keep Me Asleep During the Day

Illustration Friday's word of the week is Sacrifice. About a third of the entries are related in some way to Jesus. (See post below.) A small fraction of the rest either joked about the seventy virgins suicide bombers are supposed to get in the afterlife, or sacrificing virgins to volcanoes. Is there some correlation here? Are the virgins tossed into the volcanoes the same virgins that are available to terrorists in the afterlife? (Yes, I DID mention this as a comment to someone's IF post.) Perhaps the way to end terrorism is to close the volcanoes, though I'm sure that would send the ACLU rushing to have them opened, briefcases at the ready. What environmental effect have sacrificed virgins had upon the mantle of the Earth?

Back to the virgins awaiting terrorists; what happens after their seventy ethereal cherries have been popped? (If you'll forgive the vernacular.) Are they cast, hymenless, into the void, or do they stay on to be in the suicide bomber's harem? Perhaps this is the fine print in the deal with the devil. Sure, you get seventy virgins, but the afterlife is an eternity. You can only be a virgin once, despite the "second virginity" shtick they tried convincing us Catholic teens of in high school. What does a terrorist do for fun once his virgins are used up? Take up macrame?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A friend of mine does work for a cartoonist, and is involved with the merchandising of his comic strip's characters. Wouldn't the ultimate merchandising be DNA mutation? Imagine if you could have your own Penguin that looked like Opus, your own real dog that looked just like Snoopy, or a cat that looked just like Mooch? For an extra hundred thousand bucks, you could get his meows to sound like the word "Yesh." (The trick is clipping the tongue just right.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The richest s.o.b. in the world would be the guy who invented a drug that would safely stop periods from happening. Maybe it was already invented, but Kotex had the poor bastard bumped off. A great slogan would be "Why be Manhattan when you can be New England?"

TTFN
-Tony

8 comments:

Aravis said...

It was a conspiracy between Kotex and Midol, actually. *G* And I'm still chuckling over the life of a terrorist in the afterlife once their virgins are used up...

Caroline said...

Isn't "virgin" being used in the sense of unmarried woman...

I've not done a Sacrifice and probably won't as I'm still not finding enough time to blog and live... so I guess the sacrifice is not posting...

raksaksabiskut said...

HAHAHAHAHA..your take on the virgins is hilarious! thanks for your comments at my blog :)

your humor reminds my of SNL :)
i miss it, we dont get it here in Malaysia.

french toast girl said...

"Why be Manhattan when you can be New England" is just demented. I think you want to be the desert, not New England, though.

There is something that reduces your periods to 4x a year, which creeps the heck out of me.

love, me

Andrea said...

oooo, that period drug would rule the world!

Ian T. said...

I was going to draw people getting up everyday and going out to earn a living, but I've been too busy getting up every day and going out to earn a living :).

Tony LaRocca said...

don't you hate when that happens?

LDahl said...

70 whining women... cycling at the same time. Jealous and nagging. 70 mother-in-laws. Nope... doesn't sound like heaven to me.... sounds like, well you know, that other place they talk about.
Really enjoying your blog today Tony!