Friday, August 25, 2006

The Do Run Run Run, the Do Run Run


Pluto, god of Hades, woke up. He stretched. He contemplated brushing his teeth, but there was no one to impress, bar the Minions, and they should be trying to impress him, for Jupiter's sake. There were always the dead to play with, but they were as boring as a cheese sandwich on a hot day. He lay in bed, contemplating the cracks in the paint on the ceiling. He lifted his head as someone knocked urgently but reverently upon his door. "What?" he shouted. "What do you want?"

The door opened slowly. It was Nix, chief of the Minions. "Hey, Boss," Nix said, "We've got a problem."

"What?" Pluto demanded.

"It's the river Styx," Nix said, adjusting his nefarious uniform nervously. "It's not flowing anymore; it's about three-quarters low, and still falling!"

"What?" Pluto shouted. "It's that schmuck, Neptune! That overgrown plankton has been bitching that we've been leaching off of him for years!"

"Well, he is God of the seas, you know?" Nix said, and immediately regretted it.

"Get him on the screen," Pluto commanded, "I'll be right down!"

Five minutes later, Pluto was at his command station. The Minions kept their heads bent, trying to avoid his attention. "Come on, come on!" he shouted, as the sound of ringing echoed through the chamber.

"Mercury Online is down," Nix said, finally. "We can't get through. Phones and cable aren’t working either. It says your account is no longer valid."

"Great, just great," Pluto grumbled. "One convenient bill, my ass." He stormed out of his castle and walked through fields of the uncomplaining dead to the puddle Styx. He could see Charon stuck in the middle, his boat of fresh recruits run into the mud. "Brilliant, Charon, just brilliant," he muttered. "A+ for devotion to duty, D- for thinking." The ferryman waved at Pluto franticly. Pluto smiled, waved back, turned around, and returned to his fortress. The road was paved with the heads of the damned.

"Having trouble?" one of them asked, an old man with a scraggly beard and one eye. Pluto ground out the other one with the heel of his boot and continued to his castle.

"Nix?" he asked, once inside. "Any mail? You know, comes in envelopes, written on paper?"

"Actually, something came in from Jupiter yesterday," Nix said.

"From Jupiter," Pluto said. "A letter from the big guy. Yesterday."

"Yeah," Nix said.

"And I wasn’t told about this because..."

"Well, Hydra accidentally spilled some coffee on it, and when we tried to dry it off over the coal pits of torture, it kind of got burned up."

"Great," Pluto said. "Just great. No idea what it said, right?"

"Well it's your mail, boss, and-"

"Shut up." Pluto cocked his head. "Hydra, huh? That's a pretty... wet sounding name." He headed towards the elevator. "I’m going back to bed, now. Anything else happens, just shoot me while I sleep. Understand?"

"Yes sir!" Nix said, snapping to attention.

"And Nix..." Pluto scowled at his head minion. "Brush your teeth tonight. Five demerits."

"Yes, sir," Nix replied, crestfallen. Pluto entered the elevator and press the button for his private apartment. As soon as the doors closed, the lights went out. Pluto pressed all the buttons. Nothing happened.

"Fine," he muttered. He curled up on the cold metal floor, and went to sleep.

TTFN
-Tony

26 comments:

Andrew Thornton said...

Ha ha ha! Very funny story. I love mythology. How sad that astronomers are now claiming that Pluto is no longer a planet. As if he needed another blow to his ego after all the things that happened in your story.

steve said...

Ha ha! Good one Tony--quite current with the headlines too! have a good weekend!

Studio Zuga said...

nothing like being demoted to bring a tear to the eye poor guy. maybe another 70 plus yrs and the powers that be will bring him back. after all there not ever sure wht there doing. cute illo very app
for this week

merlinprincesse said...

I am so sad that Pluto is NOT a planet anymore. All alone at the end of this system... But maybe it is because of his bad temper... Hehehehe! I have read your story twice. Love it! :)

Princess Pepper Cloud said...

What a great story, some guys have all the luck, well, it was a great 71 years....

Aravis said...

You know, your most lovely and twisted mind comes up with some of the best things...

Amy Zaleski said...

Great story! You know, usually when I see a post this long on someone's blog, I rarely stop and read the whole thing. However, you got me with the first paragraph and held my attention through the whole story. So well written and funny!

Larry Lee said...

Bummer that Pluto's not a planet anymore. Now I'll have to find a new way to remember the order of the planets. My Very Educated Mother Just Sold Us Nine .....
It just doesn't make sense without Pickles.
On the other hand, Holst's The Planets is now whole again.
8^)

Michelle Lana said...

Hello....great story! and well written....

ValGalArt said...

you are a great storyteller! loved it!

Robert McLaughlin said...

That's pretty funny!

Linda said...

don't cry pluto. you still rate with me.

georg said...

Funny story! Your image of Pluto is so sorry..

When I heard, that Pluto was no longer a planet, I too thought: Poor Pluto! But in danish broadcasting, P1, I heard a astronom who told, that

"Pluto now is a dwarf-planet, but we will not forget him. He will be the first among dwarf-planets, and we will examine it very much. And if we are sending a satellit outthere, it will take 17 years to come to Pluto".


So, Pluto: You will not be forgotten!

Shano said...

Poor Pluto. I will always consider you a planet. You can come live on my planet! Just know that I will choke you if you insist on getting 60's songs stuck in my head. Do this and I will banish you to the other end of the galaxy and back into your little obscure place as NOT being the tiny planet you are.

french toast girl said...

How sad that "Interplanet Janet" is now out of date. Foo.

Pluto, you will always be a planet to me.

love, me

String said...

Thumbs up!

atomicvelvetsigh said...

LOL! great story.. what a great entry for IF.. first one to make me smile 8D

scarecrow said...

Great story!
This pluto thing , just sucks!! Just sittin minding your own business and all the sudden you are history.

Later

Sammy said...

Very cute story! its sooo witty! Everybody wants to impress someone. Even PLUTO! He's already a God but he still wants to impress Jupiter, he even ends up having a boiling temper because of what he tries to do! Screw impressing people, just be yourself and naturally people will be impressed without you even trying to impress them.... :D

tiffini elektra x said...

Great one - I love the two different sized eyes! Poor Pluto. . .a toast to Pluto!

Michael O'Connell said...

greta story tony and i agree with the masses… it sux… pluto will always be my number 9…

Ian T. said...

Great story, Tony, and nice double-spin on Pluto. Funny how they named this little "dwarf planet" after one of the big league. I reckon that other one - with the annoying name - should have a name-change! And poor old Xena never even got a look in. Your picture captures how many of us feel. Bring back Pluto! Bring back the Brontosaurus!

Rayne said...

I felt bad for poor Pluto before...but after reading this, wow! Geez, the poor little planet. What are all of us Scorpios to do now? We're going to have to share Mars with Aries and that really bites.

Knitting Painter Woman said...

No ice ball left behind.
I'm going to switch to the Valkyrie team. You may call me Brynhild!

Tony LaRocca said...

Elmer Fudd: Oh Brunhilda, you're so wuvewy!
Bugs Bunny: Yes I know it, I can't help it...

LDahl said...

Who says size doesn't matter? heheh!
Loved your story.... it was a fast and delightful read. Let us send W to Pluto,yes?
Liked your film too!!