StatCounter

Thursday, August 02, 2007

Zen & the Art of Boredom

It's not easy being bored. It's even harder to bore other people. So often, there are witty, intelligent, or insightful things you can say, like, "This is a hell of a run-on sentence," or, "No it's not, you're just using a lot of comma splices."

I find the best way to bore people is to tell them things they never wanted to know. For example: if you eat something with gravy and cheese for dinner & don't wash your mustache out afterwards, the next morning you're going to wake up with a nauseating odor stuck in your nostrils.

Another good way to bore people is to talk about work. "I put some pipe up today. It was one inch EMT. I used a bender to make offsets. Did you know that the multiplier of the distance between bends in an offset is the cosecant of the desired angle's sine?" If you want to go for bonus points, you can also be arrogant: "I'm much smarter than Blogger, because the word cosecant isn't in its spell-check dictionary!"

However, I've found the best way to be boring is to start conversations about things no one else cares about, such as, "Peter Cushing really doesn't count as a Doctor Who, because he's just a human and his movies were re-makes of Dalek TV episodes anyway," or, "Do you know I saw a ten-foot walrus masturbate at the Brooklyn Aquarium using all four flippers and his tail?"

Please feel free to add your own.

TTFN
-Tony

5 comments:

Knitting Painter Woman said...

But none of what I READ was boring. And don't forget what moms know: A bored person is a boring person: SO GET INTERESTED.
Tell me more about the pipes... Maybe YOU have the infrastrucdture answers.

String said...

At a party last night, we all decided small talk was boring, so we just sat in silence...that was until the second glass of wine...

Sammy said...

I think what bores me out of my wits is small talk but i cant seem to escape it! I mean, sometimes when i meet some people thats the thing, you only get to hit the shell of that persons character. i just cant seem to strike god conversations sometimes. How did your leg get hurt by the way? Are you done with HP 7?

V.K. said...

I'm riveted, actually.

I don't go to the hairdresser that often but I wish she were more like you. I would not be so afraid of the expected chit-chat bullshit. Maybe I should just bring a bottle of wine next time....

Craig J. said...

Frankly, I don't understand how anybody can hear about walrus masturbation and not be fascinated.