Sunday, September 02, 2007

Al Gore Wants to Destroy the World!

According to Wired magazine, my Jetta TDI would actually run better on vegetable oil than it currently does on diesel. Now I am all for getting this country away from it's foreign oil dependence, (something I don't see happening because billions are dollars are funneled to our political parties every year through international corporations, but that's another post.) What worries me is that fact that any science that looks good today means death tomorrow. Asbestos was a lifesaver, until people realized it causes cancer. Psychiatrists used to prescribe cocaine. Doctors once told women to smoke to lose weight after having a baby. So, lets pretend everyone in the world switches from gasoline to vegetable oil combustion. These are some possible scenarios:

1) Insects will feed upon the smog from the vegetable oil, bringing their numbers up tenfold. They will overrun the planet, destroying crops, and eventually gaining a taste for human blood.

2) Smog from the vegetable oil will contain corn starch that will mix with the rain. The resulting goo will gunk up peoples' hair. Women across the country will wage war over hair care products. Anarchy will reign.

3) Runoff from the exhaust will seep into the ground and be brought by rain into the ocean. Corn-fed fish will grow fat and tasty. As everyone knows, big fish eat little fish. Before long, all of our fish will all be fat and lethargic. People everywhere will become ashamed of our planet's ocean life. Interspecies racism will destroy our world.

So while I'm all for American independence from foreign oil, let's not jump on the Al Gore bandwagon just yet, OK? Our planet's future might depend on it.

TTFN
-Tony

2 comments:

Aravis said...

How alarming! *G*

Craig J. said...

Have you considered the possibility that Gore is in league with giant, man-eating insects?