"Saturday night, and you're still hanging around.
You're tired of living in your one horse town.
You'd like to find a little hole in the ground,
For a while."
-Captain Jack, by Billy Joel
Well, it's Friday night, not Saturday. I'm still hanging around. I went back to work today, well, a temp job actually. Four days, but it's better than nothing. It's good to get back on the horse, even if it's an exhausting horse.
I watched the first episode of the new season of The Venture Bros. tonight. Jen was kind and watched it with me, though I know it's not at all her cup of tea. It's the sort of thing that I wish I had a like-minded friend to watch with. The truth is, I'm lonely, and miss my close friends who are spread out across the country. I know it's confusing: I have the honor of being married to my best friend. Although we're the same type of people - which is why we love each other so much - we don't share a lot of interests. My son is good to see some movies with and spend time with, but he's still a kid, and of course, I have to be his father before being a pal.
Perhaps I think too much about being happy - what would make me happy, what would make me a better person, what would make me thinner, a better writer, a better father, have more ambition, a better husband, be more successful, live somewhere nicer, blah blah blah. I used to be a night person. Now my days are fine, but I spend most of my nights staring at the ceiling in confusion. Maybe happiness is too overrated. Perhaps life just is, and I spend far too much time judging it and myself.
I find myself not caring anymore about things beyond my control. It's pretty liberating. I don't really give a crap about or feel like arguing politics, religion, who's the best Dr. Who (Tom Baker, of course, but if kids today can't see that, what's it to me?) Sometimes it seems like I'm not really here, I'm just watching everything from a vantage point. It's not always like that - spending time with my wife and kids is real, work is real. But otherwise, I just feel like the world is receding further and further. Was there something I missed?