Friday, October 31, 2008

AOL Has Fornicated Me.

Note: AOL has decided to suddenly close down it's FTP site, without any sort of notification to its users. So, many of my pictures are now gone, and EgotisticalProductions.com itself is down until I can find other hosting. I guess I'll go through Verizon, (my service provider,) for ftp space and I have backups on hard drive and disk - but this situation is just a bunch of shit I didn't need. Thanks, AOL, you useless bunch of rancid monkey scrotums. Thanks a fucking lot.

Today's Novel Progress: 749 words. It's going very slowly, I seem to be at a deciding point. I have made a decision, however, the main character's son is out. Some of his attributes will be taken on by the wife. I've also noticed that all the women in my story's names start with the letter "L." Odd. I wish I wasn't such a haphazard plotter.

The Ultimate Mom of the Year award goes to Elena (aka French Toast Girl) for the awesome costumes she made for her munchkins - Mahna Mahna & the Snowths. I am in some serious goddamn awe here. Joe & Mandy were a ninja & a fairy, respectively.

We watched Attack of the Killer Tomatoes last night as a family-friendly Halloween film. "Puberty-y, puberty love/ There's nothing li-ike puberty love/ It's so neat, it's so cool..."

TTFN
-Tony

Thursday, October 30, 2008

That's Tony the Electrician - NOT Joe the Plumber.

Today's novel progress: 701 Words

Hi, I'm Tony the Electrician, NOT Joe the Plumber. Tony the Electrician lives in a small apartment in Queens. He has a wife and two kids that he loves with all his heart & soul. His take-home, while nothing to sneeze at, is light years away from Obama's $250k tax ceiling. He'd never think of buying his boss's business because he thinks it would be far too much of an anal pain. He's usually unemployed six months out of the year, and has to squirrel away what he can during the months he does work. He spends those months working on a number of projects that never get finished, such as novels, animations, and a video game. He likes classic science fiction (Kurt Vonnegut, Phillip K. Dick, & Ray Bradbury) long walks in the park, and SCUMM-style adventure games. He can also sing a darn tootin' version of Frank Zappa's "Baby Snakes."

So, being much more interesting, more talented, better looking, and more modest than Joe the Plumber, how do I get the kind of national coverage that my external locus of control craves? Anyone?

TTFN
-Tony

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Mulling It Over

Today's Novel Progress: 769 words

The pace is slowing down at work, but I'm trying not to be worried. Mandy's latest cuteness: when watching The Muppet Movie, looking out the window up in the sky for Gonzo after Richard Prior gives him the balloons. (Awwwww!) Digging out some old PC games to re-play, and thinking how much it sucks that EA's fucked up DRM (SecuROM) won't allow me to do that with the games I buy today. Isn't it nice that they no longer want us to buy games, just rent them. For $50.

Pre-Election quote of the day, from Ray Bradbury's Fahrenheit 451: "If you don't want a man unhappy politically, don't give him two sides to a question to worry him; give him one. Better yet, give him none."

TTFN
-Tony

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Cold

Today's Novel Progress: 752 words

It was cold and rainy today. The job has walls up, but no heat. It's only in the 40s, but I have to work with a jacket on. Even in the break room, the heaters don't do much and it never really gets above 60. What's going to happen come December, January, & February? You know, I think I deserve a job where I can be guaranteed AC in the summer and heat in the winter and clean bathrooms. But then, I'm just happy to have a job, and let's admit it, one that pays pretty well, so who am I just to bitch?

One week until all this nonsense is over.

TTFN
-Tony

Monday, October 27, 2008

Random Thoughts

Today's novel progress: 734 words.

God, what is the world coming to? Crazy women carving "B"s in their faces, mothers beating their kids up with pipes, kids being allowed to handle Uzis and accidentally shooting themselves - people, get a grip out there.

The current economic crisis reminds me of the one in Vonngeut's Galapagos, specifically the bit about how the world's resources had not changed, the amount of food in the world had not changed, just the imagined value of pieces of paper had changed.

When you vote next week, remember this quote from Robert Anton Wilson & Robert Shea's Illuminatus Trilogy:
"I am also puzzled," Sam Three Arrows said finally. "I worked, long ago, in New York City, in construction, like many young men of the Mohawk Nation. I found that whites were often like us, and I could not hate them one at a time. But they do not know the earth or love it. They do not speak from the heart, usually. They do not act from the heart. They are more like the actors on the movie screen. They play roles. And their leaders are not like our leaders. They are not chosen for virtue, but for their skill at playing roles. Whites have told me this, in plain words. They do not trust their leaders, and yet they follow them. When we do not trust a leader, he is finished. Then, also, the leaders of the whites have too much power. It is bad for a man to be obeyed too often. But the worst thing is what I have said about the heart. Their leaders have lost it and they have lost mercy. They speak from somewhere else. They act from somewhere else. But from where? Like you, I do not know. It is, I think, a kind of insanity." He looked at Hagbard and added politely. "Some are different."

TTFN
-Tony

Friday, October 24, 2008

All Hail Bloomberg

Today's novel progress: 708 words

For those outside the New York area, our beloved mayor has managed to bully and coerce the city council into doing away with term limits, for them and himself. Making no bones about it, he's decided we need him more than ever, and that the law should be changed. The problem is that voters decided in 1993 and 1996 to keep term limits, and Bloomberg says we CAN'T have another voter referendum on the subject because... um... it wouldn't be fair to um... apathetic minority voters who um... don't go out and vote. Yep. It's a load of bullshit. The Daily News sings his praises, that this is a great moment for democracy - because the people should have more choices come November. How? How when 89% of New Yorkers want the voters to decide again, and Bloomberg decided that no, he and the council know what's best for us? Isn't it nice that the will of the people can be taken away just like that, if someone powerful enough decides so?

I'm sure everyone from time to time has said "if I could go back and change the constitution, I would..." Well, one of the nifty things the founding fathers thought up was the system of checks and balances. The government is divided into three parts, and they're supposed to check each other. The problem was that the government "of the people, by the peolple, and for the people," stupidly left the people out of the loop. So, if I could change the constitution, I would say that the people would have to vote every four years on anything that had to do with the employment of the represenatvies themselves. All salaries, term limits, beneftit packages, gift regulations, lobbying, etc, would be decided by the voters. This way, there would be some small accountability to the citizens of this represenative democracy. Oh yeah, and while I was at it, I would have the constitution guarantee the right to privacy as well. Wouldn't that be nice?

TTFN
-Tony

PS - A side note - were there any other Monty Python fans who saw W. and found themselves singing "Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore, dum dum dum the night..."?

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Today's Newspaper in a Sentence

Today's Novel Progress: 720 words

Today's NY newspapers in one sentence: Did you know the Republican Party spent $150k on Sarah Palin's clothes? Did you know the Republican Party spent $150k on Sarah Palin's clothes? Did you know the Republican Party spent $150k on Sarah Palin's clothes? Did you know the Republican Party spent $150k on Sarah Palin's clothes? Did you know the Republican Party spent $150k on Sarah Palin's clothes? Did you know the Republican Party spent $150k on Sarah Palin's clothes? Did you know the Republican Party spent $150k on Sarah Palin's clothes? Did you know the Republican Party spent $150k on Sarah Palin's clothes?

In other news, the boiler's busted. No hot water. Crap. But then, flush it with cold water.

TTFN
-Tony

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Blah

Today's Novel Progress: 744 words

Wondering where this book is going. Is it ending soon? Is the final showdown going to take place? Does there need to be a final showdown? Saw W. today. I wonder how many people who see it realize that every conversation that wasn't public record was you know... made up. Richard Dreyfuss did an awesome Dick Cheney - even better than Darrell Hammond on SNL!

To whom it may concern. You have your vote, I have mine. My vote is between me and the lever, and so is everyone else's. That's the beauty of a private ballot. One of those silly "rights" things.

TTFN
-Tony

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Thunder, Thunder, Thunder.... HORSE!

Today's Novel Progress: 702 words.

Got a letter today that my rent is going up $100 tomorrow, and another $100 next year. Who do I elect to get my rent to go down? Everything seems to be one step forward, two steps back. Work is getting chilly - that's the joy of deck jobs, they're sweltering in the summer and freezing in the winter. Just wait until it really gets cold! At least the heat is on here. I don't want the kiddies getting a chill. I got the deluxe edition of Dethklock's Dethalbum off of I-Tunes (the soundtrack from Metalocalypse - warning- awesome yet graphic clip.) For a cartoon, it kicks quite a bit of tushy!

TTFN
-Tony

Monday, October 20, 2008

Slowly I Turn, Step by Step...

Today's Novel Progress: 806 words.

I'm watching Amanda who's watching The Muppet Movie for the nine-billionth time. It is such a great film, though. "Bear left!"-"Right, frog!" "Myth! Myth!"-"Yeth?" "I've lost my sense of direction!"-"Have you tried Hari Krishna?" None of the other films- especially the post-Henson ones- ever came close to this gem. Meanwhile, she's rolling a beach ball to me. She wants to throw it, but it's not a good idea inside the apartment. Have we learned nothing from the Brady Bunch (except that Marcia was a coke-whore?) You know, I'd be more impressed with Colin Powell's endorsement of Obama and talk of how we should "not just continue basically the policies we have been following in the recent years" if he hadn't been... you know... one of the main architects of those policies. That fact seems to have been lost in all the broohaha. And while we're on the subject of politics -To those responsible for Family Guy - is it possible to drop the propaganda and just go back to being funny? Seriously. Enough already.

TTFN
-Tony

Friday, October 17, 2008

Friday

Today's Novel Progress: 731 words.

Well, here we are again, Friday night. Nothing exciting at work today. I bent the pipe, I went up on the ladder, I connected the pipe. Of course, there was a lot of measuring and using a level and hacksawing in there too. It's an art. Joe's watching Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader. I'll watch with him a moment, but I can't stand the non-stop bullshitting they do to keep the actual number of questions to a minimum. It's like watching Hollywood Squares, but you only get one c-list celebrity instead of nine. Now Jeopardy - there's a game show. Non-stop questions, save those five minutes when they talk about the contestants' boring lives and I flip back to a Simpsons episode I've seen a gajillon times. At least AdultSwim.com has new episodes up. By for now - keep your teeth clean.

TTFN
-Tony

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Complain, complain, complain.

Today's Novel Progress: 708 words:

Ok, let me say that I like Obama. And one of the things I like about Obama is that his campaign hasn't sunk into victimization. Sadly, the media is doing it for him. I'm getting sick of reading weekly editorials about how some white people "may not be ready" to vote for Obama. (Read, if you're white and vote Republican, you must be a racist. You're not a racist... are you?) Ok, the O isn't doing it himself, but it's starting to get obnoxious. I mean, the latest ABC poll shows that caucasians are split 52-45 for McCain, but 95% of African Americans are voting for Obama. So, unless you're ready to call them racist, stop it. Another thing that pisses me off about Obama is that he bought commercials in video games. Ok, I'm not really pissed at him about this, just the gaming industry itself. See, I have this silly notion that commercials should be limited to shareware games (called "adware") - not games that I plunk down $50 to play. People play games to escape their miserable lives for a while, not to get even more pollitical shit thrown in their faces. Just a thought. As far as the debates last night, good for you, McCain, for telling Obama that if he wanted to run against W, he should have done it four years ago. Too bad that everything else that came out of your mouth was a load of bullshit.

A sign of the faltering economy: Wachovia closed down one branch in midtown, and has reduced the tellers of the nearest one to two. The result was a line that almost went out the door. At least people (hopefully) have money to deposit.

TTFN
-Tony

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Disjointed

Today's novel progress: 811 words.

Joe & I saw City of Ember on Monday. It was nice. Not thrilling, but nice. The kid behind the candy counter was so obnoxious. Every time we asked for something, he kept asking us if we wanted to upsize. Forget that their "small" soda is about half a gallon already. I've suffered as a Waldenbooks manager when we were forced to push those goddamn discount cards on everyone (has anyone noticed how the price of books shot up astronomically since those were introduced?) so I have compassion for people working behind counters, but still, if it's obvious people just want their stuff, give them their stuff and don't waste their time trying to get them to waste more money! On a different track, I am so sick of all this political shit, I can't wait until this nonsense is over. They said on the news this morning that there's no guarantee that the bail-out money will be used to stimulate the economy and not be hoarded by these Wall Street failures, but the treasury is "certain" that they will do so. Thanks. Thanks a lot. Meanwhile, AIG goes on yet another junket. Just great.

TTFN
-Tony

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

"I got no strings, to hold me down..."


Illustration Friday: Strings. Smile, the internet loves you!

Today's novel progress: 722 words. There's a throw away joke in a Family Guy episode about Peter narrating his life. The more often I write, the more I find myself doing this. Any other writers out there find themselves doing the same thing?

TTFN
-Tony

Friday, October 10, 2008

Happy Anniversary

Today's novel progress: 913 words. Happy anniversary, Jennifer. I loves you.

TTFN
-Tony

Thursday, October 09, 2008

Wishfull Pranking

Today's novel progress: 831 words.

There was an old Chinese lady selling umbrellas this morning right outside of the WTC subway station - except it wasn't raining anymore. You could see in her face that she was cursing the rain-gods. On the fence outside of the WTC construction site, there are signs saying "NO TRESPASSING - VIOLATORS WILL BE PROSECUTED!" Oh, if I only had the testicular fortitude to print up signs to cover them with, saying "PROSECUTORS WILL BE VIOLATED!" But I'm sure there are cameras everywhere. Oy, I'm tired. 3-day weekend, coming up!

TTFN
-Tony

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Jujuflop

Today's novel progress: 711 Words. Very slow, plodding. I was tired, couldn't keep my eyes open. Hope I'm not just phoning it in.

I gave Elena a copy of Vonnegut's sci-fi classic The Sirens of Titan for her birthday. She asked if I think a demonic puppet master is controlling everything. Of course not - if that were true, then the world would make some sort of sense and it doesn't. The world is, in the words of the late great Douglas Adams, in "one whole jujuflop situation." I do, however, believe Robert Anton Wilson & Timmothy Leary's theory that we are robots programmed by our pasts. Some ex-millionaire out in California killed his family and himself, so I guess I'm a fucking asshole for my joke about circa 1920-sky-scraper-jumping-stockbrokers earlier in the week. Last week, here in New York, the cops tased an unarmed mentally ill man causing him to fall to his death. The lieutenant who ordered the tasing committed suicide because he didn't want his kids to see him be arrested. So, it's better to devastate and break your kids' hearts for the rest of their lives? Tomorrow is Thursday. I hate Thursdays. Thursdays are like when you've had a back-breaking day at work and you look at the clock thinking it must be time to go home but there's still two hours to go. G'night.

TTFN
-Tony

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Boring.

Today's Novel Progress: 771 Words

Boring day, nothing really to talk about. There is a Pooh toy here that says the alphabet. The tablecloth has grapes on it. Mandy didn't eat all of her dinner tonight. When I was young & my heart was an open book, my mother made us eat canned string beans every night. Way to create a vegetable aversion, mom. 11th year anniversary in a couple of days. Joe's going to get his orange belt on Friday. Seems like yesterday I was bragging about him being a yellow belt. No desire at all to watch the debates tonight. I'm tired. Going to hose my body down, scrape the tiny hairs from my face with a blade.

TTFN
-Tony

Monday, October 06, 2008

MTA, How I Hate Thee...

Today's Novel Progress: 956 Words

Did you ever have one of those days where you're shagged out and really need a seat on the bus, but the bus doesn't even show up, so the next one is already packed by the time it gets to you and you're only the second stop for Christ's sake and you have all your tools with you because you got suckered into working all Friday night and had to take them home so you're in like sardines on this bus and because it was late you have to take the E train but of course the E train has missed it's time as well for some unknown but probably innane reason so the platform is full of pissed off people and when the E train finally does come it's crammed full of people so you have to stand and your knees are hurting and then it just stops in the tunnel for about three minutes between almost every stop and you wonder what kind of goddamn motherfucking monkeys they have working at the MTA anyway and when it finally gets to your stop forty-five minutes later all the way down at the world trade center the margin you gave yourself has completely vanished so you have to rush down the street with your toolbag on your back and your aching legs just to barely get to work on time and you wish a pox on the MTA and all who dwell within her, a pox on both it's houses and you wish boils to appear on all the bus drivers skin and terminal incontinence for its conductors and yea let not even the people who scrub the toilets be left out, let everything they eat from now on taste like canned stringbeans and finaly may he who rules the MTA receive nothing on his television but Star Trek Voyager forever and ever that he may know he is damned and wish to end the torment but it never ends, it will never end...

TTFN
-Tony

Saturday, October 04, 2008

Cost of Living

Yesterday's novel progress: 784 words

Worked late last night, and by late I mean 'till 2am. Somebody wanted to move a wall in their office. I don't know why, the wall seemed like it was in a perfectly nice space where it was, but no, they wanted to move it fifteen feet. Oh well, it keeps me employed. I had a few hours to kill in between shifts, so I went to a multiplex and saw what the marquis said was Tropic Thunder but turned out to be Righteous Kill. Wasn't bad, just a little too rushed, and there was a twist at the end. A pretty good afternoon waster. Everything is so goddamn expensive in NY. The ticket, small soda, and small popcorn cost me (and me alone) $22.50! After work, I took the subway back to Queens. I waited at the bus stop with a guy who lives on the same block, when a livery cab asked us if we needed a ride. I should have asked how much it was, because the three-mile ride cost us $10 - each. Whine whine whine.

TTFN
-Tony

Thursday, October 02, 2008

Chilly

Today's Novel Progress: 793 words.

It got chilly over here very quickly. Poor kiddies, I don't want them getting a chill. There were helicopters with searchlights over our apartment complex this morning as I and about twenty other people were walking to catch the bus. I have no idea what (who) they were looking for but rumors abound. Debating weather I want to watch the debate or not tonight. Like it matters, but it might wind up being entertaining. Bloomberg, the only liberal Democrat to run on a Republican ticket, wants to do and end-rush around term limits by having the city council repeal them. Why? Because we have a financial crisis, and he feels he knows what's best for us. No, not quite the Nanny State, just the Nanny City. I wonder how much he's paying the Daily News to promote his propaganda. Um, jackasses, the problem with the bailout isn't that FDIC is too low (who has more than $100k in their accounts these days?) or that it didn't include health benefits or whatever crap they've tacked onto it. The problem is that it's a blank check with no strings attached. The problem is that there's no assurance that, as with other bailouts in the past, the cash won't just go to the people on top and the people on the bottom are left to go fuck themselves. Cut the strings of a few golden parachutes first. Not that I would ever suggest that I WANT them to, but when I see some ex-millionaires jumping out of windows, then I'll believe that another great depression is right around the corner.

TTFN
-Tony

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

Tired.

Today's Novel Progress: 702 words.

I'm tired. So tired. Amanda, don't sit so close to the television. Jen's taking Joe to Karate. Chop Suey Phooey. Left over Chinese takeout for dinner tonight. Me so on fire, feeling hot hot hot. If only more people would do drugs, I'd have more people to laugh at. Halloween coming soon, broke out the Rocky Horror Soundtrack on the mp3 player. Anyone want to go see? It's been a while.

TTFN
-Tony