Monday, October 03, 2011

I Need a Gumption Pill

About ten years ago, I bought a used 386 laptop off ebay for $25. The idea was to have a cheap word processor. As my friend and very good bearded playwright Craig J. Quack (Clark) pointed out, there could not possibly be any distractions on a 386. He was right. It was, in fact, so obsolete it could not run Windows 95, and don't even think about Word. But still, I wrote, using the 3.1 workhorse "Wordpad."

Flash forward to now. I'm currently a gentleman of leisure. I should be writing. Instead, I'm resisting the urge to watch American Dad on Netflix wilst building a 50' tall walking eye in Minecraft. Why? I have no idea. Why is my mind sometimes so insistent on distractions and procrastinations instead of production and achievement? Aren't I supposed to be an organism evolved for survival of the fittest? If so, why do I have to fight myself all the time to get anything done?

The book God Wants You Dead (which is not anti-religion per se, but rather anti-ideology) suggests that instead of thinking "What would Jesus do," we should imagine ourselves as we wish to be, and ask "what would the perfect me do?" I love this idea... except... well what if the now me convinces future me to sit here and watch American Dad while playing Minecraft? I keep thinking of the scene in Citizen Kane when one character says to another that Mr. Kane will change the acquired newspapermen into "his kind" within a week, and the other character replies, "There's always a chance that, of course, they'll change Mr. Kane, without his knowing it."

I came across a great article about self-sabotage a few days ago (if I find it again I'll link it.) To sum up, it says that we're programmed from birth that for anything (love, achievement, Minecraft) to be worthwhile, we must struggle for it. Therefore, we sabotage ourselves to make our goal -or ourselves - seem more precious. Curious...



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