Wednesday, June 06, 2012

Looking for Imaginary Work

I'm looking for a side job as an imaginary friend. There are rules, apparently: To be silent, to stay hidden, and eventually, to be forgotten. Any sexuality must be ignored, like Mr. Snuffleupagus. Come on, you can't tell me that no one at the CTW noticed that Mr. Snuffleupagus's trunk looks like a big hairy penis. It wasn't that the grownups couldn't see him, it's that they didn't want to admit his effect on their libidos. When he walked down Sesame Street, Susan and Gordon would run upstairs and get busy. Sometimes they'd let Olivia take pictures. Once they admitted he was real, things got boring fast. Gordon got fat and bald, Susan started spending all her time on the internet - it was just depressing.

But I digress.

Imaginary friends are forbidden to interact with the real world, it's against union rules. We can only hang out with other imaginary friends. I tried talking to Puff the Magic Dragon but that miserable pothead is just too depressing. There's always Harvey the Rabbit if you don't mind him constantly bragging about the time he met Jimmy Stewart. Jesus is ok , but he's a special case, just because he does that schtick where he carries people across hot beaches barefoot. It's a big crowd pleaser.

Any takers?


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