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Friday, November 06, 2015

Sometimes Shave Tovember

Waiting for the bus to the subway. I'm wearing a t-shirt in November, I love it. I have a lot of fun planned this weekend, I hope the nice weather holds out.
I'll be forty-three in a few days, my Hitchhiker's Guide year is almost over. I saw a guy this morning with a corncob vape pipe- I have to get me one of those.

The best thing about this blog is that when I write lengthy rants about things that annoy me, I realize they're just minor inconveniences, and not as huge as what I'm snowballing them into. Then I delete them. They aren't worth an entire post, and can usually be summarized in a single paragraph:

This makes me angry: The latest trend of general contractors making construction workers wear safety glasses all the time actually makes us less safe, because they distort vision, get fogged up, scratched, or dirty. Construction is dangerous, with tripping hazards everywhere. You're actually putting me at risk. I'm working in a humid tunnel at the moment. If someone drives a loader through the tunnel, and is wearing safety glasses that fog up because they'll be sent home if they don't, doesn't that put everyone who is working theres' lives at risk? Up your ass with broken glass for making my job unsafe, just for your liability, and claiming it's for my own good.

Preordering games in the digital download age without a major incentive is just plain stupid. It gives studios the license to overhype and put out crap, because they already have your money. (I'm not talking about kickstarting indie games here, I'm talking about AAA studios who have launched unplayable, bug-laden, expensive, overhyped junk, with the promise of a fix later. Preordering keeps that shitty train a-chugging.) Yeah, the Fallout series is one of my favorites, and I'm looking forward to Fallout 4, but what if it turns out to be another Batman: Arkham Knight? Just wait for the damn customer reviews and bug reports.

The TPP is going to fornicate the 99% like you wouldn't believe, and it's President Obama's baby. But please, tell me again how he's the greatest president ever, for working, middle-class Americans, and republicans are the bad guys. (Note: not advocating for the republican party, I just think all high-level politicians are out to screw us. Just don't piss in my face and tell me it's champagne. I'd really, really like to get on the Bernie hype train, but I've heard it all before...)

Sigh, I'm getting negative. You know what I'm hopeful about? Towels. Since my Hitchhiker's year is almost over, here is a poem I wrote while sitting and looking at a towel.

Fluffy (bongos)
Pink. You were purple once, but time and Tide sucked the color from your soul. (bongos)
Guzzling possessed radiator steam,
And toothpaste,
And soap,
And follicle oil. (bongos)
Microbial armies wage war, war, WAR,
Cutting, biting, licking, slurping,
Worshiping microbial Vishnu,
Many many arms, giving high fives,
Over a battlefield
That is like time
Slipping through William Shatner's nostrils,
Swinging from nose hair toupee to nose hair,
Tarzan, without his Keurig machine,
Because Jane forgot to refill it
Again.
(bongos)
Penguins!
(bongos)
Subway rail armpits,
Spit from the peaches of life.
All wiped up
Without complaint
By my towel.
(bongos)

Peace out, babies.
-Tony

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