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Friday, September 18, 2015

Town Hall Q&A

Trump: Ok, you!

Mrs. A: Mister Trump, my children were stolen and eaten by mutant, cyborg penguins. What will you do to protect us?

Trump: That's a great question. This is the EXACT reason I'm going to repeal Obamacare, and replace it with something really... really... extra cool! OK, you!

Mr. B: Every year, congress votes itself larger and larger raises. Will you stop that from happening?

Trump: That's a really, really great question. This is the EXACT reason I'm going to repeal Obamacare, and replace it with something really... really... extra... like wow! What I have planned... you'll just... you'll shit yourselves, it's so awesome. OK, you!

Miss C: My baby daughter went outside without sunblock... and was eaten by a polar bear, who thought that her brains would give it natural immunity from bursting into flames. This is the tenth time this has happened since the polar ice caps melted, and the world flooded. What will you do to stop this?

Trump: Anyone here believe in global warming? Anyone? Anyone? No?... OK, last question... You!

Polar Bear: (Digging claws into Miss C's skull) BRAAAAAAIIIIIIINNNNNS!

Trump: That's a great question. This is the kind of question I like to hear. This is the EXACT reason I'm going to repeal Obamacare, and replace it with something wonderful, like, really cool, you're really going to love it. Thank you, and good night!

TTFN
-Tony

Saturday, September 05, 2015

And yea, did He damn them for their waddling, and tuxedo plumage!

Riding home on the F train from the East village, slightly inebriated on a few cider & fireball boilermakers. Does that count as a boilermaker? Who gives a shit, it's yummy.
I have a cup of matzoh ball soup from B & H, which is a vegetarian Deli. Much cheaper than Katz. When I get home, I'm going to drain it, remove all the carrots, add some chicken broth & Parmesan cheese, and watch Garth Marenghi's Darkplace, probably the Scotch Mist episode. Fuck vegetarianism.
Someday, I will retire. When I do, I will don an impeccable, expensive suit. I will make myself a fixture late Saturday nights in the subway, preferably in the East Village. There, I will preach loudly, with fire and thunder, about how Jesus saved us from the cybernetic penguin army of Satan. The world needs to know.
I love watching people. Yeah, old Scandinavian guy, ask the hot teenage girls for directions. Like they know.  I should ask the walnut-wrinkled little old lady across from me for directions, so she doesn't feel left out.
An old Chinese man has his forehead on his cane. Sad or tired? I'll leave him to his dignity. May the Schwartz be with us all
Ttfn
Tony