It's better than bad- it's good!

Morning Kvetchings

2009-10-15T19:56:00.003-04:00

Some cool building on 5th avenue lit up red in the early morning.

Once again, my loathing of the MTA knows no bounds. They are my cross to bear, a blight upon my existence. The ads on the subway are depressing to the point I want to eat my own spleen. Most of them are attempts to get me to go back to school so I can better my life. There are romance novel ads, "Evelyn... The middle sister who had it all, but there's trouble in paradise." ConEd (Save money by cleaning out your AC filters!) I just want to shut my eyes and blot the world out. The train is old, the ride is slow but rocking and bumpy because the infrastructure of the city is falling to hell in a ham sandwich and I keep knocking my head back against an ad for storage space and I wonder how many other heads have banged against it and did they have cooties and did the cooties become one with the advertisement until being awakened by my head?

Speaking of advertisements, every Bloomberg ad makes me want to vomit. I just have something against politicians who perform end-rushes around term limits because "we need him." If he's so goddamn wonderful then he should have worked his magic over the eight years he had in office to help us instead of seeing us merely as money making assets.

The screeching wheels are like razor blades against my nerves. God, I'm crotchety today. Isn't that a great word, "crotchety"? I feel like I'm the first Doctor. I can picture Beavis saying "crotchety" over and over again. “Crrrrrrrrotchety!!!” God, I miss Beavis and Buthead. "For there is but one bunghole! One almighty bunghole…"

Here we are screeching into Lex & 53rd. This station is so filthy. That's it's claim to fame, being filthy. There used to be a guy who sang opera for cash. A woman with a tremendous voice used to sing blues standards here too. Did they try America's Got Talent, or perhaps American Idol?

OK friends and neighbors, it’s been fun kvetching to you. Hope you all have a nice day.

TTFN
-Tony

OK, So He's Not Doctor Killinger...

2009-10-09T18:48:00.004-04:00

Can someone please tell me what President Obama has possibly done to earn the Nobel Peace Prize? So all you have to do is be a democratic president following a republican hawk? Is this anything but just a political statement or god forbid, part of that whole worship thing I keep hearing about?

TTFN
-Tony

Kvetching Pays Off!

2009-10-05T15:07:00.004-04:00

I start a new job tomorrow! Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. Here's hoping it's a good one - I'll let you know :)

TTFN
-Tony

More Thoughts that Keep Me Awake at Night...

2009-10-05T10:53:00.004-04:00

Ok, if it's true that only two people know the secret to making Coca-Cola, then how the hell does it get made? Do those two guys fly from plant to plant every morning?

TTFN
-Tony

Stimulating my Package

2009-10-02T23:01:00.001-04:00

Hello friends and neighbors. I’m sorry I haven’t written in a while. I’m still unemployed, still surviving, still breathing in and out. Still listening to Doctor Who. I went to download a new one tonight and it’s taking hours because either Verizon is slow or Big Finish’s server is slow or who knows somebody somewhere is slow. Holy fuck, it’s October already. In eleven months I’ve worked three weeks. I guess that stimulus package isn’t working too well. Everything’s getting more expensive. My rent’s going up next month. Every night for the past three days our hot water mysteriously stops working. I feel like I’m just killing time but I don’t know what I’m waiting for. I feel like I’m just surviving day by day. How many games can I waste time with? At least I have my writing, and my friends and family have been amazingly supportive, more than I could have ever imagined. Soon the year will be over and I won’t have anything to balance out the humongous tax bill I’m going to owe the government, because I was stupidly counting on working… oh I don’t know… just a few months this year. Because the government has done such a goddamn fine job of running things that they deserve my money.

I feel like I’m just whining writing this. I don’t know. I think of Vonnegut and how he said that the point of writing was to show other people that they weren’t alone. Maybe I’d have to be writing anonymously to completely do that, but maybe this will help some other poor schmuck know they’re not alone.

Bye for now, keep your teeth clean.

TTFN
-Tony

Everywhere I See Them There I Stop & Stare at Patterns...

2009-09-29T19:10:00.003-04:00

Illustration Friday: Pattern

(Please click above for higher resolution.)

TTFN
-Tony

To Infinity...

2009-09-20T16:57:00.002-04:00

(Please click the above image for higher resolution.)

The Illustration Friday word of the week is Infinity. There seems to be a lot of stuffed packed into it :)

TTFN
-Tony

Sci-fi Weirdness

2009-09-18T02:15:00.004-04:00

(please click above for higher resolution)

This was the background to something that just didn't work, but I liked it on it's own :)

TTFN
-Tony

Remembrance

2009-09-11T11:32:00.001-04:00

Here we are again on 9/11. I considered posting my letter that I wrote at the time as I've done for the past few years. Instead I decided to write something new and just link to it.

I don't know what to say.

I remember feeling angry and afraid all the time. I remember working restoring power to buildings afterward and seeing the giant column of smoke in the air for months and smelling that horrible burning all the time and knowing that part of what I was smelling were people who had been loved and needed. I remember being terrified that what I was breathing would make me or my family sick. I remember watching people on the subway for the next few weeks, unashamedly crying. 9/11/2002 everyone left their construction jobs to stand in the street for fifteen minutes of silence. Last year, I worked at a building right next door to ground zero, and we got to take a minute to stand by the window if we wished. Life goes on I guess.

It's eight years later and if I think about it, I just feel angry. I'm angry that my friend lost his brother. I'm angry that some of my friends and family had to risk their lives overseas- some of whom still are (take care of yourself, Jimmy.) I'm angry that there's been such an infinitesimally small amount of reconstruction downtown in the last eight years. I'm angry that our constitution got shredded to pieces. I'm angry that our economy keeps spiraling further and further into the toilet. I'm angry that I haven't worked but a few weeks in the past ten months.

I don't know how to end this. I could tell everyone to hug their children, I could tell everyone to be excellent to each other, I could tell everyone to write their congressbeings and tell them to get their asses in gear, who knows. I think I'll just leave you all with your own memories and feelings.

TTFN
-Tony

Firefox Risen from the Ashes

2009-09-10T17:13:00.004-04:00

I've used Mozilla's Firefox for a long time. There are two main reasons. One, it has Adblock Plus, which means that I can happily browse the web or watch videos without seeing goddamn commercials that may pay for but have completely ruined the internet, and two, it has Video Downloadhelper which lets me easily save videos from almost any site.

Recently, Firefox 3.0x was slowing down, so I upgraded to 3.52. This is where my troubles began. The new installation took five minutes to load, and then every page itself would take at least ten minutes. Searching the web did not help, just pages and pages of people with problems like mine but with no solution. I tried reinstalling my earlier version to no avail.

I tried some different browsers. Safari is very pretty, but has no add-ons for the Windows version. Opera just was another browser, nothing really special. Chrome is very fast, but again, no ad-ons. I don't even want to talk about IE.

I took the plunge and removed every key I could find mentioning Firefox or Mozilla from the registry (kiddies don't try this at home!) I restarted, reinstalled, and VIOLA! I can surf without annoying ads again! I can download videos easily again!

God, I feel good about myself when I solve annoying problems :)

TTFN
-Tony

Speech, speech!

2009-09-09T10:10:00.002-04:00

Today, my children will more than likely hear President Obama’s welcome back speech telling them to (gasp!) take personal responsibility and (good gravy!) stay in school. Who cares? I think if anything, kids across the nation will simply zone out from boredom, or throw things (if they're in an assembly) or make obnoxious comments back, or doodle, or fantasize about the girl sitting in front of them - you know, things kids do. I’ve always been confused by the fear of children hearing a whisper from an ideology that their parents don’t agree with, and adults who are terrified to hear a whisper of a conflicting ideology make me giggle even more. I always have the utmost respect for people who can hear an idea they don’t believe in and actually consider it and think about logically. Of course, there are limits, (like the time I took the painstaking effort to explain to my son that Cinco de Mayo was the day of mourning for the 10,000 jars of mayonnaise lost on the Titanic, but his teacher had the gall to insist it was some holiday or something,) but people who are comparing this morning’s speech to the organizing of the Hitler Youth need to turn down their exaggeration meters a few hundred notches.

TTFN
-Tony

Spider-Thingie

2009-09-04T15:15:00.003-04:00

Just for shits and giggles, I've been making a sort of spider thingie with 3ds Max. Here's the work in progress, hope you enjoy!

TTFN
-Tony

High School Sketchbook

2009-08-28T19:30:00.005-04:00

Here are two images I dug up from my old high school sketchbook. (Click on images for higher resolution.) Enjoy!

William Hartnell

TTFN
-Tony

Illustration Friday: Wrapped

2009-08-18T23:44:00.004-04:00

Please click above for higher resolution.

TTFN
-Tony

Boring

2009-08-17T11:00:00.002-04:00

Welcome to today's boring post. There's nothing really going on here. I'm still unemployed, my life consists of pretending to be Mister Mom when it rages against my inner Mister Slob. Somedays I wish I could teleport to my own island somewhere, or even better my own planet. I think it would be a nice blue one. My days are spent walking, writing, farting around on fb, chatting with friends, eating, playing games, and wishing not that life was differenet so much as wishing I was different.

In between having kids want to play with me all the time, I've been trying my damndest to make the end of this one novel work so I can finish SOMETHING in my life, and feeling frustrated. I'm also putting time in on this week's Illustration Friday, so stay tuned.

OK, onward to a game of Civ4 with Joe. Any other Civ fans out there? How about Spore? You know what would be an even more fasciating strategy game? If instead of playing a civilization or a lifeform, you got to design a human brain, and what went into it and what happens to it, and see how it turns out. Instead of adding things like learning how to hunt or learning electricity, you could have spanked by parents, wet pants in second grade gym class, first kiss, brother killed in car crash, or won first prize in elementary school art contest. I know, this sounds a lot like GRIOT in Vonnegut's Hocus Pocus, but I think it would be much more interesting. Like the song says, "All in all it's just another brick in the wall."

OK, more later, a big :) to my friends out there. Can't help missing you all when you're far away.

TTFN
-Tony

Modify

2009-08-04T21:53:00.003-04:00

Illustration Friday: Modify

(Click on the image for higher resolution.)

I wish it was this simple.

TTFN
-Tony

2009-07-22T13:41:00.002-04:00

I'm sitting here in front of the computer, obviously. I keep wondering what life is supposed to hold for me, where I am going and what I'm supposed to be doing. I wish I could be more Zen and just accept that I am where I'm perfectly supposed to be, but here's the kicker- is wanting more out of life part of a perfect existence? If pain supposedly comes from wanting things, and if life is supposed to be perfect as-is, then isn't wanting things part of that perfection? Is my purpose at the moment to want? And in the end, does it matter? Does it matter that it matters?

From Babylon 5: Hour of the Wolf
G'Kar, (examining a poster of a spastic Daffy Duck) - "I was studying this image. Is it one of his household gods?"
Zack - "That's Daff- Yeah. Well, in a way I suppose it is. It's sort of the Egyptian god of Frustration."
G'Kar - "Most appropriate! Thank you!"

OK, too much caffeine.

I like to lie in bed in the darkness and talk to myself. I answer back in a number of voices - sometimes it's the great late Valentine Dyall, sometimes it's Sylvester McCoy, sometimes it's Leonard Nimoy, and sometimes it's my paternal grandfather. Usually my concerns boil down to Leonard Nimoy saying "You must have faith... that the universe will unfold as it should." (It should be pointed out here that Leonard Nimoy himself has said that his own inner monologue is usually a conversation with Spock. I hope he doesn't mind me stealing him for a bit now and then.)

So what voices are in your head? Come on and share!

TTFN
-Tony

Froggie

2009-07-17T08:06:00.002-04:00

Heading out soon. Going to see some minor league baseball tonight, Harry Potter and a friends BBQ tomorrow. Here's hoping everyone has a good one.

TTFN
-Tony

Manhattan Special

2009-07-15T23:36:00.010-04:00

I just got back from my nightly walk listened to some Jim Croce on the mp3 player "Hey tomorrow, you gotta believe that I'm through wastin' what's left of me..." Inhaled some carcinogens and passed some other carcinogen inhalers on my nightly ritual, lung-cancer-bound ships passing in the night. I used to imagine when I was a teenager that I would live in a city and go walking late at night smoking cigarettes except the city was going to be London and I was going to be making television shows and movies, and it's amazing how some things in life work out the way you dreamed it would but its never exactly the same and you can't help but bitch and moan "and I'm gonna go there free like the fool I am and I'll always be, I got a dream, I got a dream... they can change their minds but they can't change me..." We watched Dr. Who & The Army of Ghosts the other night and Joe asked if I believed in ghosts and I said well there hasn't been any proof of dead people contacting us, so they could exist in the same way Bertrand Russell's Teapot exists floating somewhere around the sun all alone in the darkness, but I was stretching the truth because I feel all the ghosts of who I was and who was before me walking around in my head with me. It's been almost thirty years and my grandfather is still in my head along with all my other invisible friends that I dearly miss who keep me company and sometimes I wonder if there's room for me in here.

TTFN
-Tony

Eggplant

2009-07-15T09:16:00.007-04:00

Good morning my friends, I'm sorry it's been so long.

Once again, I am unemployed. It seems like the contractor just needed work for a few weeks. Why they hired when they didn't have the work, I don't know. Anyway, I have to make myself a constant pain in the ass to the hall to get myself back out again.

One good thing about having a lot of time to think is that I've learned much about life and myself in the past few months. What I've learned is that I know absolutely nothing and it will always surprise me. I came up with a quote I want to be remembered for: "I'm going to go through life convinced that I know everything, so that it can prove me wrong." Sometimes it's strange, sometimes it hurts, but on the whole, it's been pretty darn beautiful.

I spend most of my days writing. I've actually gotten to the second draft of one of my novels (believe it or not, it's not the one I was working on earlier this year) and I'm determined to finish it. It's like some sort of angel got into my head and inspired me. (I like that better than Stephen King's little fairy that lives in his typewriter, but whatever floats your boat. And after the crappy ending of The Dark Tower, he should have given it the boot, IMHO.) Thank you, angel.

Amanda lost (one of her) beloved blue Dollys in summer school. We were able to find another one on E-bay so we'll still have a backup. I don't know how we'd explain that one is in pristine condition while the other has been to hell and back, but maybe like most gifts, the why doesn't matter. The trick is being thankful.

Well that's it for now. Everyone have a great day.

TTFN
-Tony

What's the News Across the Nation?

2009-06-25T16:02:00.003-04:00

OK, I'm all for diplomacy, but I'm sorry that it took an innocent woman's murder, (or should I say the public outcry over it,) for our president to finally acknowledge that Iran's regime is a brutal one.

And speaking of poor Neda, I usually don't go for conspiracies, but isn't it odd that she was killed by a sniper at all - much less with a camera already on her?

(Writing this on the bus) Yo, mister bus driver- if the bus is so packed that no one else can get on, why do you keep stopping, opening the doors so people can TRY to get on, telling them you're sorry, they don't fit, please get off, and then repeat? Are you looking for that one, special, Tetris-piece-shaped someone?

I'm really sick of newspapers (Daily Post & the Daily News) who just can't simply tell the news without editorializing. The DN used to be much better comparatively, but it gets worse & worse. Even more- it keeps printing "stories" about what an influence it has over Albany, and how readers agree so much with whatever bullshit they say. Give me a strait AP piece any day.

Enough bitching for now. Take care

TTFN
-Tony

Illustration Friday: Unfold

2009-06-13T23:33:00.001-04:00

(click above for a larger image)
Charles Wallace tries to impress chicks with his tesseract for the last time.

TTFN
-Tony

Employed!

2009-06-13T19:21:00.002-04:00

Sorry it's been so long. You'll all be happy to know that I am once again a useful, productive member of society. I'm working in a wonderful muddy hole in the ground with girders, pipes, hard hats, and porti-poties. It's been wonderfully cold and rainy all week - and suddenly, on Friday, I got a small example of what the heat's going to be like when the sun popped out and baked me. Mister porti-potty instantly became a rancid pressure cooker. Here's hoping I stay until the whole building is built, how ever many years that takes. I would love to be employed so long that I have to actually go on furlough again someday.

TTFN
-Tony

Star Trek Nokia

2009-05-13T13:40:00.006-04:00

We saw Star Trek last Friday. All in all, it was a lot of fun, except for the product placement, which irked the living shit out of me. Do we really need a Nokia commercial in the middle of a Star Trek film? (Yes, I did pick up the Bud Classic and Jack references, but they were far less blatant.) I was the most impressed with Karl Urban's take on Doctor McCoy - he seemed to get the character down perfectly without trying to do a DeForest Kelley impersonation. But by far, the best part was sharing a mass nerdgasm when Leonard Nimoy appeared onscreen.

OK, fess up - how many die hard Trekkies wanted to see Christopher Pike wind up as a vegetable who can only talk with blinking lights? I know he was in a wheelchair at the end, but I did feel kind of gyped.

TTFN
-Tony

PS - I forgot to mention - Kudos to Simon Pegg. His take on Scotty was a hoot.

Randomness

2009-04-29T07:32:00.004-04:00

I like to sit with Amanda, watching Mickey Mouse sing the “Hot Dog” song by They Might be Giants. However, we like to sing it “Hot Frog.” The image is much more interesting.

Last night I dreamt I was in the caves of Oblivion, alongside an adorable brown-haired hamster. (Perhaps it was Boo the Space Hamster from Baldur’s Gate.) There was a fork in the caverns, and a rock wall came down and separated us. I felt horrible, because I knew it was taking the much more dangerous passage while I had the easy way. I wanted to tell it that I was OK, but I was so worried about it and wished it could tell me how it was. (Because in dreams, hamsters can talk. Probably. Maybe.) Then I was in my grandmother’s kitchen eating a lemon that had baked in the oven and turned thick and brown, and kids in Star Wars costumes were running around the house.

I watched Red Dwarf: Back to Earth last night and was sorely disappointed. I can’t even begin to explain the depths of my annoyance. First of all, the, “Oh my God - we’re just fictional characters!” metafiction twist has been beaten into the ground - I thought Stephen King’s Dark Tower series had left no doubt of that. And then in the end, it was all just a dream? Seriously? You have everyone waiting ten years for a new episode and that’s the best you can come up with? What happened to the humor, originality and intelligence that brought us episodes like "Terrorform" and "Cassandra"? I felt like I was suffering through The Phantom Menace all over again.

TTFN
-Tony