Sunday, December 21, 2014

"...and that's all that I yam..."

"So, you can see fine now?"
"That's right," I told Mandy, The Doctor says my sight is 20/20, which is pretty awesome for the first day. I still have a lot of dryness and irritation, though. I also have a really cool red ring around my eyeballs, which will unfortunately go away in a week.
"Wow," she said, "You're like a brand new Daddy!"
I thought about this for a moment. "But what if I like being the Daddy I am?"
She made a face at me, and went back to playing Wii Power Rangers.

So what if I do like being the person I am? Yes, I've done a million stupid things, made uncountable mistakes, good, things, bad things, been kind, hurt people, been fat, thin, too trustful, too suspicious, felt I've let myself down, been proud of myself... the list of bad and good things goes on and on. Are there things in my past I'm not proud of? Yes - but they're mine, they make up me. I love me, the good and the bad, and if I'm your friend, it's because you're awesome. I can't imagine wanting to be anyone else. All I can do is own it, and be proud of that. Yes, there have been times I haven't felt that way. So what? It's all part of me. Some days, I've woken singing Jim Croce's line, "Hey tomorrow, you better believe that I'm through wasting what's left of me." Other days I've woken, given myself a mental high-five, and gone on my merry way. Whatever. As the great late Frank Zappa said, "You are what you is, and that's all it is."

It looks like the book is going to be delayed until the new year, which is just the way it's going to have to be. The scouring s coming along nicely, but it takes time, and needs to be perfect. Besides, the kindle version will come out first, and it will be a pain in my anus if all the different versions have different copyright years. I'm only allowing myself to stare at the computer for a half hour at a time, through sunglasses. The doctor says I'm healing perfectly, so why fornicate it up?

Anyhoo, peace, love, and soul - time to get back to work.


Friday, December 19, 2014

LASIK recovery is getting boring...

"Hey mama, don't you treat me wrong, come and love your daddy all night long! All right now, hey hey, all right..."

Thursday, December 18, 2014

Pretty, Pretty Please?

Dear J. J. Abrams: I know George Lucas lowered the bar to the Earth's core with the prequels, so you can't really damage the Star Wars universe any more than he already has. There is only one wish I have of you. Do anything you want: Have Jar-Jar become a Sith Lord, bring back the Ewoks, have Luke, Leia and Han have a granny threesome - but please, I'm typing this on my knees right now - do NOT bring Hayden Christensen back as the ghost of good Vader/ Anakin. If you do, I can't be held responsible for my actions.

The world feels boring and sad these days. I had a bizarre dream about watching the Minions from Despicable Me with a man I didn't know, who had ginormous boobs that hung down to the floor. Feel free to analyze that all you want. Vacation is almost here - my first real vacation in eleven years (as opposed to furloughs or unemployment) and I'm treating myself to something I've always wanted. Happy to be employed all this time. Of course, it's always possible I'll be laid off the day I come back. Not expecting it, but it has happened. "Hope for the best, expect the worst," as the Mel Brooks song goes. At least I've been employed long enough to take vacation. The poop plant has been good to me. Unless, of course, the poop gas is slowly killing me inside...

The final edit of The Lies of the Sage is coming along. The best suggestion I can make to writers - have your phone read your book to you. (Moon+ Reader Pro for Android does a great job of this.) I've caught all kinds of things I would have skimmed over otherwise. I have to admit, I'm worried people will feel gypped that it ends on a "to be continued" note, but as I've said before, they seem accepting of it with A Song of Ice and Fire. As far as anyone not liking or over-analyzing its content, well, as they said in the old days, "Quod scripsi, scripsi."


Friday, December 12, 2014

Can't believe he's 17!

Birthday surprise! First time should always be at a midnight theater showing. :D


Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Only Slightly Narcissistic

New book coming out means a new author photo for Amazon:

Monday, December 08, 2014

Manly Men!

Real men don't bitch and whine about having to work outside three winters in a row. We proudly do what is asked of us, and when our toes blacken and fall off, goddamn it, we serve them up as cocktail weenies!


Thursday, December 04, 2014

First Glimpse!

So here it is, the cover and title of my first novel. I'm hoping to have it out by Christmas, at least for Kindle. Comments and suggestions are more than welcome. (Click on the image for higher resolution.)


Tuesday, December 02, 2014

My brain seems to be leaking today...

Thursday, November 27, 2014

Thanksgiving No. 2

Thankful for old friends. Still arguably the three sexist men in Basking Ridge!

Thanksgiving No. 1

Selfie With Your Sister Day! Feeling thankful for them.

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Analyze Tony: The Thanksgiving Special

Last night, I dreamt that I was at a small restaurant that looked like a cottage. The waiter was the snooty maƮtre d from Ferris Bueller's Day Off, ("Yes, call police.") and wouldn't let me use his bathroom.

So I went outside and peed in his mailbox.

Then I went back inside and laughed at him because I peed in his mailbox.

I went outside, where the mailbox was lying on the ground. I peed all over it.

I went back inside and laughed at him again.

Then I went back outside. There was a hole in the ground where the mailbox post had been, and I peed in that.

Then I woke up.



Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Executive Rant Privilege

Hello out there in TV land. I know it's been a while since I ranted about the world around us, I've been focused on getting the next book out. Ok, I've been playing Wolfenstein, The New Order as well, but that doesn't involve much brain power.

Look, an amnesty for five million illegal immigrants is just a stupid idea. The problem is, while unemployment is down, it's because people have to work more for less. Many in my own union already have to work at 80% of scale. Look at all the retail workers who must work on Thanksgiving or be fired. Everyone is already paying more for less medical benefits because of Obamacare. A surge of millions who can legally compete for those jobs will only make things worse. And after this amnesty, there will be another glut of illegal immigrants waiting for the next one (as there was after the Regan amnesty. That is the real concern, not the people who are here now.) Those workers will be as exploited as the current illegal immigrants are. Exploitation will not magically go away.

"But Regan and the Bushes-" -I don't care. Just because they did something idiotic, that's not a reason for President Obama to do it as well. Since last month's election was a setback for the Democrat party, this is just pandering for votes for 2016 - just as it was then.

"You're just racist." -Fuck you, I'm being realistic. Read over my reasons again, and pretend it's a republican president's executive order instead of Your Guy.  My views on this are strictly "Hate the game, don't hate the player." I can't blame anyone for wanting a better life here, but our cities are overcrowded, and our economy is barely holding together.

"But we're all descendants of immigrants." -Yes, legal immigrants, who were let in when the system could handle more citizens. It can't right now. End of story.

"But the evil 1%..." -Will NOT feel the brunt of this at all. Read over my reasons again. Like Obamacare, this is being spun as only being a burden to the super-rich, while it's the Middle Class (which everyone claims to care so much about) which will have to shoulder it all.

"But they've paid taxes!" -Think of it as visiting a hotel. You agree to stay for a while. After that, if you refuse to leave, you're there illegally-even if you continue to pay for you hotel room.

Love and peace out.


Sunday, November 23, 2014

Dance, Polygons, Dance!

And the modeling for my next book cover continues...


Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Bending Polygons to My Will

I've begun digital sculpting for the cover of my next book. Any guesses on what this might turn out to be?


Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Coming soon to an online store near you...

So, as you all know, I've been working on this novel of mine for years now. It was finished years ago, I've just been scouring and scouring it to bring it up to a publishable standard.

The problem is, I have over 81k words so far, which, at the industry standard of 250 words per, comes to about 325 pages. I'm at a huge cliffhanger point at the end of the second act. But I've seriously beefed up the second act from the original finished draft, and added a lot of issues which need to be addressed in act three. Without even adding these resolutions, act three (which has yet to be scoured) is another 110 pages. I'm happy to be working full time, but at the rate I'm going, this means at another year before I'm finished, if I just leave things as they are--which I don't want to do. It will probably be two years if I do it in a way I'd be proud of, maybe more.

Another issue is I'm not the same person I was when I wrote the original "finished" draft. Things have happened that have changed my views on certain things forever, and I don't feel the third act is honest anymore.

And I'm getting impatient.

So I've decided to make it into a trilogy, or at least a two-parter. A Song of Ice and Fire (aka Game of Thrones) has done well ending each book with a cliffhanger, and no one seems to mind. Hell, they're beating George R. R. Martin's door down to read the next one. Also, I can feel like I'm not just a one-trick pony, and have something else out there, in case I'm run over by a bus tomorrow, and no one ever gets to read the damn thing at all. I wouldn't want anyone to feel gypped by ending on a cliffhanger, but the trend these days seems to show people enjoy anthologies.

So friends and neighbors, I'm aiming for a Christmas release, if not sooner. I still have to come up with a good trilogy name, a good book title, and a cover...



Saturday, November 08, 2014

"It's a box of f***ing nothing!"

"Many years ago today, something grew inside your mother... that thing was YOU!"

Wednesday, November 05, 2014

Just Say November

Here I am, another morning laying on the floor trying to make my sciatica manageable before work. My life needs some "quality of" back in it.
Another midterm election has passed, another year of everyone professing their ideologies, how whatever the guy on their side does is good / excusable, and whatever the guy on the other side does is uncaring and unforgivable. Of course, I'm perfect and above all that...
Ugh, I just want to sleep, perchance to dream...
Today marks one year at the Jamaica shit plant! It's been eight years since I worked in one shop longer than six months. I feel loved. Sniff.


Tuesday, November 04, 2014

Father Daughter Quality Time

Laying on the floor, watching South Park with Mandy before work. It's the Succubus episode, (I need about tree-fiddy!) I put something called Biofreeze on my lower back, which makes my upper butt cheeks feel all cool and minty.
So, the Master is a woman now. Seriously. This is why I've hated Doctor Who having showrunners ever since the Jon Nathan Turner era. If you want to start your own show, go ahead, and do whatever you want to the characters. But don't take a show that's been around for fifty years and remake it in your own image. (Why couldn't it have been Adric?) All right, my hipster rant is concluded, I'll just go watch my Roger Delgado DVDs... alone... sniff.
I'm old now, I'll be forty-two on Saturday. My parents are coming to visit so I don't have to drive (sitting for a long time makes things worse.) Only six weeks until I finally take vacation. I'm going to do something I've planned for years...
"Say... you don't have three dollars and fifty cents, do you?"


Saturday, November 01, 2014


I hate you, Stephen Moffat. I hate you with the white-hot fire of a thousand suns.

Thursday, October 30, 2014

And the science gets done, and you make a neat gun...

The apprentice is getting married, and everyone is giving him their advice. I just looked him in the eyes and solemnly said, "There's no sense crying over every mistake, you just keep on trying 'till you run out of cake." When all else fails, be confusing.


Friday, October 24, 2014

Almost there...

Just a reminder, don't forget to tune in to hear me on The Speculative Fiction Cantina, tonight at 6PM Eastern! (Reading from "Ad Aware," answering all the important questions, what more could you ask?)


Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Worth 1001 Words

By the way, for those of you who use Instagram and want to see images from my amazing life, my tag is EgotisticalTL, same as Twitter.


Tuesday, October 21, 2014

And the Readers' Choice is...

The blog/ facebook/ email votes have been tallied, and it seems the story the most people want to hear me read is "Ad Aware." ("False Idols" and "Heaven 2.0" tied for second, with a few votes for "Soul Mates.") Remember to turn in your computers to The Speculative Fiction Cantina, this Friday at 6 PM Eastern!

In other news, my back is FUBAR once more, after spending a week climbing around on top of pipes, and then sitting on the couch, playing Rabbids on the Wii with Mandy for too long. One disaster at a time...

Thanks again to all who participated.


Thursday, October 16, 2014

Interview and a Reading

I'm going to be a guest on The Speculative Fiction Cantina, on Writestream, at  BlogTalkRadio, next Friday, October 24, at 6pm Eastern. Just tune in then at the link below:

As part of the show, I'll be reading an excerpt from one of my short stories. So the question is, which one? I'm leaning towards "Ad Aware" because it's the shortest-they only want a 5-8 minute passage. So please, tell me, which would you like to hear? I'll tally up the votes on Monday morning, so I can start practicing.

See you next Friday!
(Well, I won't actually be able to see you, unless you decide to send me a selfie or something-but you know what I mean.)


Saturday, October 11, 2014

The Joy of Rain

Another beautiful morning. I think it's supposed to rain. At least it's a Saturday. I have spent the last few days climbing on top of pipes in a filthy basement, drilling into a ceiling, raining concrete dust on me, my S&M safety harness chafing my thighs... At least I'm not stuck at a desk.

I've decided to restore two naughty scenes to my book, that I had previously reduced to a literary camera panning to the fireplace or window. I'll just have to give my mother a special edition, with those pages ripped out. Or maybe changed entirely? They could go to church instead, possibly confession. Or maybe say a Novena?

As a parent myself, I'm continuing the American tradition of being a prude when it comes to naughtiness and my children, but being fine with graphic violence. I've let my almost seventeen-year-old son watch a few Game of Thrones episodes with me. Guy getting a sword through the back of his head with blood spurting out of his mouth? That's fine. Daenerys Targaryen walking around naked with her dragons? Sorry kid, you gotta leave the room.

I finished binge-watching the HBO series, I have to read the books now. Tyrion is my favorite character. He embraces his dwarfism with pride, instead of being ashamed of it. He's brilliant, brutally honest, and constantly tries to act in as noble a manner as possible, although his (antagonist) family will never overlook his handicap. Besides, the actor and I were apparently both born in the same hospital, although a few years apart.

Anyway, heading out to NJ with the kiddies today. Looking forward to meeting up with my old friend Troy tonight for a few fermented beverages. Time with good people gives me happiness.


Tuesday, October 07, 2014

Well we all should be, dammit.

I've met a few other writers who are always jealous and undercutting. Thank you Suzanne Casamento for being a supportive friend instead, and pointing out a sci-fi promotional opportunity. (Details to follow when I have them.) You rock.


Sunday, September 28, 2014

Sunday, Bloodless Sunday

Sunday has once again come upon me. The day itself isn't bad, it's knowing I have to go back to work tomorrow. Work itself isn't even bad, I just seriously need a vacation. Why don't I take one? Well, I'd have to take money out of my 401k for my vacation pay, and that kind of sucks, especially since the IRS will have it's way with me over it. Maybe next year, if I don't have furlough.

It's nice relaxing all weekend, being lazy and not going anywhere. I started watching Game of Thrones. It's an amazing show, and I absolutely love the animation during the opening credits. I love when CGI is almost completely unrecognizable as CGI - The art is in hiding the art. But I can't hear the theme song without imagining South Park's parody lyrics over it. ("Wiener, floppy weiner, one wiener, next to another wiener...")

I finished rewriting chapter ten, which means that all that's left is a daily scouring. Writing isn't really hard, it's the worry of judgement. Judgement over your plot, judgement over your characters, judgement over your grammar... especially since I've self-published. Not to whine, but self-published books are held up to ten times the scrutiny of traditional ones.

I'm seriously toying with the idea of attempting to go the traditional route with the finished product. I'm a great proponent of self-publishing, and I know there is a lot of quality self-published work out there. But the truth is, no matter how many four and five star reviews I've recieved, I know no one will take my writing seriously unless I get an agent to represent me, and a publisher to invenst money in me. This means even more scrutinizing, and that it would probably take at least an additional year once the damn thing is finished to see the light of day-if I am successful. I'll have to see. Hell, at 300 pages, I'm only 2/3 done.

I've lost fifteen pounds in the past month. The weird thing is that even though I can fit my whole arm down the side of my jeans and they're practically falling off of me, I haven't gone down a size yet. Maybe my current ones were of a larger cut, and the newer ones are smaller? It doesn't really matter, I can just wear a belt.

It's been a fun weekend, playing Rabbids on the Wii with Mandy, writing, frying bacon, watching 90's films with Joe, kvetching at Doctor Who for becoming a soap opera about Clara, getting in arguments with and blocked by a facebook friend who turned out to be an ideological zealot... all in all, an interesting time. My life is draining, it's nice just to take it easy now and then.


Saturday, September 27, 2014

Thank you, out there...

It's a wonderful shot in the arm when people I've never heard of, thousands of miles away, like False Idol's facebook page. Hope you enjoy it! :D


Friday, September 26, 2014

Send these two idiots over there.

As one of the most non-PC men on the planet... I officially declare that these guys are fucking assholes: Fox News presenters mock female pilot who took part in campaign against ISIS.