Eggplant

Good morning my friends, I'm sorry it's been so long.

Once again, I am unemployed. It seems like the contractor just needed work for a few weeks. Why they hired when they didn't have the work, I don't know. Anyway, I have to make myself a constant pain in the ass to the hall to get myself back out again.

One good thing about having a lot of time to think is that I've learned much about life and myself in the past few months. What I've learned is that I know absolutely nothing and it will always surprise me. I came up with a quote I want to be remembered for: "I'm going to go through life convinced that I know everything, so that it can prove me wrong." Sometimes it's strange, sometimes it hurts, but on the whole, it's been pretty darn beautiful.

I spend most of my days writing. I've actually gotten to the second draft of one of my novels (believe it or not, it's not the one I was working on earlier this year) and I'm determined to finish it. It's like some sort of angel got into my head and inspired me. (I like that better than Stephen King's little fairy that lives in his typewriter, but whatever floats your boat. And after the crappy ending of The Dark Tower, he should have given it the boot, IMHO.) Thank you, angel.

Amanda lost (one of her) beloved blue Dollys in summer school. We were able to find another one on E-bay so we'll still have a backup. I don't know how we'd explain that one is in pristine condition while the other has been to hell and back, but maybe like most gifts, the why doesn't matter. The trick is being thankful.

Well that's it for now. Everyone have a great day.

TTFN
-Tony

What's the News Across the Nation?

OK, I'm all for diplomacy, but I'm sorry that it took an innocent woman's murder, (or should I say the public outcry over it,) for our president to finally acknowledge that Iran's regime is a brutal one.

And speaking of poor Neda, I usually don't go for conspiracies, but isn't it odd that she was killed by a sniper at all - much less with a camera already on her?

(Writing this on the bus) Yo, mister bus driver- if the bus is so packed that no one else can get on, why do you keep stopping, opening the doors so people can TRY to get on, telling them you're sorry, they don't fit, please get off, and then repeat? Are you looking for that one, special, Tetris-piece-shaped someone?

I'm really sick of newspapers (Daily Post & the Daily News) who just can't simply tell the news without editorializing. The DN used to be much better comparatively, but it gets worse & worse. Even more- it keeps printing "stories" about what an influence it has over Albany, and how readers agree so much with whatever bullshit they say. Give me a strait AP piece any day.

Enough bitching for now. Take care

TTFN
-Tony

Illustration Friday: Unfold

(click above for a larger image)
Charles Wallace tries to impress chicks with his tesseract for the last time.

TTFN
-Tony

Employed!

Sorry it's been so long. You'll all be happy to know that I am once again a useful, productive member of society. I'm working in a wonderful muddy hole in the ground with girders, pipes, hard hats, and porti-poties. It's been wonderfully cold and rainy all week - and suddenly, on Friday, I got a small example of what the heat's going to be like when the sun popped out and baked me. Mister porti-potty instantly became a rancid pressure cooker. Here's hoping I stay until the whole building is built, how ever many years that takes. I would love to be employed so long that I have to actually go on furlough again someday.

TTFN
-Tony

Star Trek Nokia

We saw Star Trek last Friday. All in all, it was a lot of fun, except for the product placement, which irked the living shit out of me. Do we really need a Nokia commercial in the middle of a Star Trek film? (Yes, I did pick up the Bud Classic and Jack references, but they were far less blatant.) I was the most impressed with Karl Urban's take on Doctor McCoy - he seemed to get the character down perfectly without trying to do a DeForest Kelley impersonation. But by far, the best part was sharing a mass nerdgasm when Leonard Nimoy appeared onscreen.

OK, fess up - how many die hard Trekkies wanted to see Christopher Pike wind up as a vegetable who can only talk with blinking lights? I know he was in a wheelchair at the end, but I did feel kind of gyped.

TTFN
-Tony

PS - I forgot to mention - Kudos to Simon Pegg. His take on Scotty was a hoot.

Randomness

I like to sit with Amanda, watching Mickey Mouse sing the “Hot Dog” song by They Might be Giants. However, we like to sing it “Hot Frog.” The image is much more interesting.

Last night I dreamt I was in the caves of Oblivion, alongside an adorable brown-haired hamster. (Perhaps it was Boo the Space Hamster from Baldur’s Gate.) There was a fork in the caverns, and a rock wall came down and separated us. I felt horrible, because I knew it was taking the much more dangerous passage while I had the easy way. I wanted to tell it that I was OK, but I was so worried about it and wished it could tell me how it was. (Because in dreams, hamsters can talk. Probably. Maybe.) Then I was in my grandmother’s kitchen eating a lemon that had baked in the oven and turned thick and brown, and kids in Star Wars costumes were running around the house.

I watched Red Dwarf: Back to Earth last night and was sorely disappointed. I can’t even begin to explain the depths of my annoyance. First of all, the, “Oh my God - we’re just fictional characters!” metafiction twist has been beaten into the ground - I thought Stephen King’s Dark Tower series had left no doubt of that. And then in the end, it was all just a dream? Seriously? You have everyone waiting ten years for a new episode and that’s the best you can come up with? What happened to the humor, originality and intelligence that brought us episodes like "Terrorform" and "Cassandra"? I felt like I was suffering through The Phantom Menace all over again.

TTFN
-Tony

Saying Goodbye

I went to the funeral of a friend's brother this past weekend. Sadly, I really didn't know him that well, but funerals do have a way of making you realize how hard it is to say goodbye to someone you care about forever. There's a great South Park episode, "Tweek vs. Craig,"where the shop teacher mourns the death of his love and how he was never able to say goodbye to her. At the end, her ghost explains that saying goodbye doesn't matter, because even if you never got to properly say it, the other person always knew how you felt, and that's what's important. (And that was a run-on sentence!) So even though it may hurt you terribly and you may love and miss someone, you should just be glad they knew how you felt. What makes it worse is that there's always conflicting feelings: sometimes people are happy, sometimes they're sad, sometimes they hurt, sometimes they feel proud, sometimes they feel like shit. But through it all you loved your friends and thought that no matter what, they were the best people in the world and your life was so much better for having known them. The important thing is to realize that they knew. Maybe they had to read between the lines, but they knew.

TTFN
-Tony

Do Fish Have Soles & Other Thoughts

Mandy loves Madagascar and it is a great movie, but the penguins' solution at the end has always bugged me. Why is it morally wrong for Alex to eat other animals, but perfectly acceptable for him to eat fish? ("Savor it!")

When we watch classic Disney cartoons, I keep remembering how Elena and I used to think the Donald Duck song went, "Who's gonna feed the little chickens?..."

OK, I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I just don't understand why it's so important for some people that gay people don't get married. What difference does it really make to your own life or your own marriage if two people who love each other have a legal union with each other?

I'm sure everyone and their brother has seen it, but I love Susan Boyle's performance on Britain's Got Talent. It's such a wonderful lesson in not judging a book by its cover.

Wouldn't it be great if the Kazakhstan national anthem from Borat became the United States National Anthem? You'd just have to replace "Kazakhstan" with "USA" ("USA greatest country in the world / All other countries are run by little girls...")

TTFN
-Tony

Random Thoughts

There is a tree by my apartment building whose giant roots are thick and high, but are chopped close so it can fit in a sidewalk square. If it had had the luck to grow in a forest instead of Queens, it might have spread out about ten feet in every direction.

Amanda is well on her way to becoming a woman. She stomps around the house yelling, "I am so angry!" When you ask her what's making her so angry, she screams, "Nothing!"

Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion is a fun waste of time, but there's nothing really creative or special about it.

I'm having a very hard time working on my second draft lately, because life keeps changing the way I view my characters. I should just barrel through the damn thing before my perspective changes again.

I've also taken up work on False Idols again, and remembered why I got annoyed in the first place. All those tentacles can be a little overwhelming.

All the tiny beetles in my building, (one of the many joys of living in an old apartment,) go to my dining room light to die. Whereas in the days of incandescent bulbs they would accumulate in the defuser glass, they now pack themselves into the grooves of the curly florescent bulbs by the hundreds. It's disgustingly cool.

Enough reflections for now.

TTFN
-Tony

One Way to Make the World a Better Place

Wouldn't the world be a better place if jars of mayonnaise and peanut better contained sealed capsules to keep the whole jar fresh? Is there anything in the world more soothing than the first taste of a new jar of pb or mayo - or more disappointing than the thin, oily crap at the bottom?

TTFN
-Tony

I'm Just a Boy Whose Intentions are Good...

The other night we watched episode six of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy TV miniseries, the novelization of which wound up in The Restaurant at the End of the Universe. The Guide says this about telepathy:

"The Belcebron people used to cause great resentment and insecurity amongst neighboring races by being one of the most enlightened, accomplished, and above all quiet civilizations in the Galaxy. As a punishment for this behaviour, which was held to be offensively self righteous and provocative, a Galactic Tribunal inflicted on them that most cruel of all social diseases, telepathy. Consequently, in order to prevent themselves broadcasting every slightest thought that crossed their minds to anyone within a five mile radius, they now have to talk very loudly and continuously about the weather, their little aches and pains, the match this afternoon and what a noisy place Kakrafoon had suddenly become."

This got me thinking about communication. It works like this: Person A thinks of something he wishes to share. Various filters take over and phrase this thought in a way that seems just right, and his mind subconsciously translates these thoughts to speech. His tongue then transmits the thoughts as physical sound waves, which are heard by person B's ears. Person B's mind subconsciously converts these sound waves into thoughts. Assuming there was no physical or mental interference and the process did not need to be repeated, her brain then applies its own filters to the received thoughts as it tries to understand them. This is where things can go wrong, because the receiver's brain may be changing the meaning from what was intended. Perhaps one of the contributors to "good chemistry" between people is the ability to inherently understand what the other person is saying without coloring the intent.

The process for text messages or instant messaging is slightly different. As many have lamented, once a sound wave is emitted and heard, it cannot be taken back. However, an editing process can be applied to words on an email or text so that it looks "just right" before sending it. Jerry Doyle, (who played Mr. Garibaldi on Babylon 5 before becoming a talk radio host,) once said that all letters should be hand-written without any editing, because once you start to edit yourself you begin to lose meaning. Sadly, chatting also causes you to lose inflection, which is why emoticons were invented. (I have to say Skype has the best range of emoticons ever.) I've had arguments before after attempting sarcasm in an IM without any emoticons to soften the blow. Sometimes I feel I overuse the smiley face, and that my words should be enough to express my meaning, but yeah, sometimes I just feel like smiling. :)

Sometimes people say the same things over and over again when trying to describe their emotions because even though they've said them once, the feelings and need to communicate them are still so strong. Face to face communication is the best for this, because of all the expressions and other subtle body language. Sure, webcams are fun, but nothing says I love and missed you like a hug. So go up to someone you love and hug them today, I'm sure they'd appreciate it.

TTFN
-Tony

Twas the Day Before Easter...

Here we are, Good Saturday 2009: the day before Easter. When I was a kid, this meant Easter Vigil at church Saturday night, playing and singing in the folk group, and going to my grandmother's in Brooklyn the next day. My grandmother made delicious sweet Easter bread, a tradition my mother has thankfully picked up since her passing. I tried to buy some Easter candy for the kids yesterday, but this section of Queens is far too kosher. How can I get through the day without Reeses peanut butter eggs?

To me, Easter was the Halloween of the spring, except instead of having to go door to door begging for candy, the candy came to you. You still had to dress up to get some (in a suit as opposed to a costume,) and you had to go to church, but still, you got candy. I always felt gypped that it was supposed to be this big holiday, but it was never on a school day. Sure, we got Good Friday off, but as my parents insisted we spend the day watching the Catholic school kids reenact the stations of the cross, there really wasn't any joy in it. The television was kind enough to provide us with specials, but we weren't allowed to watch them. "What does Charlie Brown have to do with Easter?" my parents would cry. One time I drew a picture of Snoopy on the cross just to show them. They were not amused. When my son was three, my mother tried to explain it to him, saying that Easter is the day when Jesus comes out of his hole in the ground. "Yep," I chimed in. "And if he sees his shadow, it will be six thousand more years of winter." Again, she was not amused.

So for the secular and faithful alike, Happy Easter and a belated Zissen Pesach, have a good day with lots of eggs, candy, bread, food, and family, and whatever you wish.

TTFN
-Tony

Biblical Living

Last year, I bought my sainted Sicilian mother the book The Year of Living Biblically: One Man's Humble Quest to Follow the Bible as Literally as Possible by A. J. Jacobs, and now I'm finally getting around to reading it myself. Mr. Jacobs, a secular man, describes his attempts to follow every bible law to the letter. He wears white clothes that are not of mixed fibers. He doesn't trim his beard. He eats bugs. He carries a cane-chair around so that he doesn't touch unclean surfaces. He visits the Amish and prays with the Orthodox. He shoos a mother pigeon from her nest so he can take her egg, (he gives it back afterwards.)

As a closet agnostic who grew up in an extremely Catholic home, I'm finding Jacob's journey fascinating. He realizes that these bizarre rules and rituals actually give him a sense of peace. The dietary laws of the old testiment may seem strange and strict, but he feels they teach discipline. He grows to love blowing his ram's horn every morning, and paying for the next customer's coffe at Starbucks.

I went to bed thinking about this, and had a very odd dream. I dreamt Amanda (my five year old daughter) said to me, "There is no greater sacrifice than to give your life up for the Lord." I grew furious and told her that no, god just wanted you to live your life and be happy, not to worry about sacrificing yourself. Upon waking, I realized I stil have a lot of religion issues. But that doesn't mean the bible is bad, or that it is not full of good and wonderful rules to live your life by. So I try to think what laws I should have governing my life, because I really need some. I've always loved Kurt Vonnegut's quote, "Please-a little less love, and a little more common decency." I replace "common decency" with "kindness." I think I should just be kind to the people in my life. That's a good start. Does that include myself? I'm working on it.

Any ideas of your own?

TTFN
-Tony

The Zen of Cookie Monster

As we were waiting for a plane together, my sister Elena and I had an interesting conversation about life, acceptance, and philosophy. Suddenly it struck me:

C is for Cookie is one of the most Zen songs ever written.



The song is full of statements. Things are. C is for "cookie." A round cookie with one bite out of it looks like a C. The moon sometimes looks like a C, but you can't eat that. Cookie cookie cookie starts with C. There is acceptance of the way things are: "that's good enough for me." In fact, there is only one statement of judgment in the whole song: That although a doughnut with one bite out of it looks like a C, it's not as good as a cookie.

There are times in our lives when we want things to be different, and it hurts because they are not. In those times, we need to be accepting, and thankful for what we have. Everything is perfect the way it is. In these times of doubt, our mantra needs to become, "That's good enough for me."

TTFN
-Tony

Was Pulto Mickey's S&M Slave & Other Thoughts

Mandy has been watching classic Disney cartoons on YouTube, and I can't help but wonder - was Pluto Mickey's S&M love slave? Let's look at the facts. In the Disney universe, it has been proven that dogs are "people," just like ducks, mice and chipmunks. Goofy is the most common example. So why does Pluto resign himself to wearing a leash and collar, living in a doghouse, and responding to Mickey's every whim? The only logical answer is that Pluto likes it that way. Prove it to me otherwise.

Is human fat jelled anger? Whenever I've lost weight, I've noticed that during the process, although I feel better physically and most of the time emotionally, I am prone to random fits of anger and lashing out. I've read that others have experienced this as well. So, seeing as stress is a big contributor towards obesity for us unlucky ones, (you don't want to know what we think of you assholes who manage to get thinner under stress,) and seeing as everything in the mind is electro-chemical, I can't help but wonder if human fat is the storage for these anger-chemicals. Not a purely scientific thought, but interesting...

Any other imponderables out there?

TTFN
-Tony

Dear Google News: Stop Shilling for the Kindle, Already!

Every day for the last month, the Google News science & technology section has some article singing the praises of the Kindle II. I'm assuming that Amazon is paying Google huge kickbacks for all this advertising disguised as news, and I'm really getting annoyed with it. I'm also annoyed at "articles" that gush over how soon you'll be able to buy ebooks for the I-Phone

Why am I so annoyed? Because for ten years or so, you could buy ebooks in .lit or .pdf format to read on ANY handheld device. Then Amazon got greedy and decided to corner the ebook reader market by creating the Kindle, (kind of like a Pocket PC or Palm or Phone except it's the size of a laptop, it's expensive, and it does nothing except read kindle-format e-books,) and only selling ebooks in the Kindle's format.

So no thanks, there are still plenty of sites where I can buy ebooks in the old formats that I can download to my Pocket PC and read wherever I want - when, you know, I'm not playing solitaire or Nintendo or surfing the internet or watching videos or listening to MP3s or any of the other many many things I can do on my one small but convinent device.

TTFN
-Tony