Sunday, August 28, 2005

Dre-e-e-e-eam, Dream Dream Dre-eeam...



The Illustration Friday word of the week is DREAMS. Kindly click on the thumbnail above to see a larger version.

If you think you know, go ahead and say ;)

-TTFN
Tony

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Philisophical Battles of the Sphincter.

For those unfamiliar with the psychotically religious, Chick Tracts are tiny little pamphlet comic books written by Jack Chick. There are a few of them online, and quite a few good parodies too. While reading these insane, Catholic-hating, fire & brimstone piles of poopie-kaka for laughs, I came across something that actually seriously offended me. It's from the tract "No Fear." The preacher tells a young girl he rescues from an attempted suicide, "…we all deserve to go to hell, because we are all sinners." Sorry, but this is the most insane crap I've ever heard in my life.

I've been re-reading Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand, (my favorite book of all time) to re-charge my philosophical batteries. I know some people hate it (Once, when I was reading it during lunch on a job, a foreman told me to "put that Republican, anti-union piece of shit away,") but there's something great about a philosophy that states that we should all be proud of ourselves, that we should live in honesty without guilt or fear, that the meaning of life is to be happy, that the only way we will have high self esteem, self love, and self respect is to earn it from ourselves… the list goes on and on. It's only about a thousand pages long, and it can get a little preachy at times, but I'd recommend it to anyone who's sick of being told that the world is an evil place and mankind is the most evil thing about it. (Come to think of it, The Fountainhead is a pretty good book too, though the movie is beyond terrible.)

TTFN
-Tony

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Tony Explains it All

My son Joe asks all the important questions. Most deal with Star Wars. While nothing can beat my all time favorite, "Since they call Darth Vader Lord Vader- is Darth Vader Jesus?"- he recently asked a good one:

Why does Darth Vader call the Emperor his Master? I explained that only dogs have masters, people don't. No one can MAKE themselves your master, you have to LET them be your master. So why does Darth Vader pretend he's a dog? This one took a little thinking. I finally explained that people are responsible for the things they do, but dogs aren't. So if Darth Vader pretends he's a dog, he can pretend that he's not responsible for the bad things he does- though, of course, he really is. Sadly, there are many people in the world who can't figure this out. A good way to detect someone you want to stay the hell away from is if they use the phrase "You made me _____."

A non-Star Wars question is, "Are green things good for you?" Sadly to say, Joe, the color green is really plant poop. Plants eat light- all light- except for the color green. They reflect the color green. Green is foliagic poison, green is plant excrement. Yes, Ralph Nader is the candidate of the Plant Excrement Party.

If anyone has any more questions they want me to answer with all my brilliance, go ahead. I'll be happy to ask someone else & pretend the answers are mine.

TTFN
-Tony

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Who's the Pretty Girl in the Mirror, there (what mirror where?)



The Illustration Friday word of the week is REFLECTION. Please click on the picture above for a larger image.

This is something I made last year, for my own sick & twisted fun. It can also be found on EgotisticalProductions.com in the gallery section.

Here's one of my favorite poems:

The Guy in the Glass
by Dale Wimbrow, (c) 1934

When you get what you want in your struggle for pelf,
And the world makes you King for a day,
Then go to the mirror and look at yourself,
And see what that guy has to say.

For it isn't your Father, or Mother, or Wife,
Who judgement upon you must pass.
The feller whose verdict counts most in your life
Is the guy staring back from the glass.

He's the feller to please, never mind all the rest,
For he's with you clear up to the end,
And you've passed your most dangerous, difficult test
If the guy in the glass is your friend.

You may be like Jack Horner and "chisel" a plum,
And think you're a wonderful guy,
But the man in the glass says you're only a bum
If you can't look him straight in the eye.

You can fool the whole world down the pathway of years,
And get pats on the back as you pass,
But your final reward will be heartaches and tears
If you've cheated the guy in the glass.

-TTFN
Tony

Sunday, August 21, 2005

Give Me Down to There Hair...

My Funny Little Honey got herself a haircut. Now she's cuter than ever:

What did I do to deserve an angel like this?

TTFN
-Tony

Saturday, August 13, 2005

Evolving by Unintelligent Design


The Illustration Friday word of the week is WISDOM.

One of the biggest jokes God plays on us is that although we can learn at an early age (hence we spend the first entire quarter of our lives in learning institutions) we can't actually pass on wisdom. Wisdom can only be acquired with experience & age, so that by the time we're at our wisest, we're unable to affect the world at all- we're just in a nursing home drooling somewhere, watching "The Price is Right."

However, according to CNN, we'll be able to download our brains into computers by the year 2050. (Keep in mind that it's 2005 & still no HAL-9000 in sight… as far as we know.) Perhaps by the year 2200 the entire human race will just be on one big computer, living in cyberspace ala "The Matrix" but with no bodies to be attached to. The only downshot is that it would probably be the end of evolution- or of intelligent design, if you're so inclined- for the human race. Ah well, there's always a give and take with technology.

TTFN
-Tony

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Living the Blue-Collar Dream

Joe 's new bowling high score is 57! This is pretty damn tootin' for a seven-year-old with coordination problems. He's inconsistent, but I'm so happy to see him gaining confidence & ability- especially at something physical. At this rate, he'll be beating my measly hs of 142 in no time (what is that, like a C+?)

TTFN
-Tony

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Running on Empty





The Illustration Friday word of the week is EMPTY.

Does this really need any explanation?

On the non-commentary note, Mandy-Pandy had tubes put in her ears yesterday morning. She went into the OR at 7:30 and was running around the waiting room terrorizing other patients by 9:30. For any parents whose kids have to have this done, it's pretty much as quick & painless as everyone says.

TTFN
-Tony

Monday, August 01, 2005

It's the Only Disease that You Don't Look Forward to Being Cured of



The Illustration Friday word of the week is AGING.

What? Tony returns to Illustration Friday & all we get is this crappy scribble? Ha ha! It's just a LINK! Click upon it, and see something beyond your wildest dreams (which can also be found on EgotisticalProductions.com.) Plug, baby, plug!

TTFN
-Tony

ps- Can any movie aficionados tell me what movie the title quote is from?