Spring is in the air

As it turns out I have not one, not two, but three- Three Herniated Disks- ah ah ah ah! (Insert lightning & thunder here.) As the good doctor described it, in-between the vertebrae are disks, which resemble jelly doughnuts. Among other things, they provide a cushion between the vertebrae. Apparently, three of them have ruptured and are oozing their jelly against my spinal cord. The result is that I have to stay in bed for a few weeks. Lovely. I keep telling my wife & kids to throw me out & get a new one, but for some reason, they refuse.

TTFN
Tony

Back to Basics

Thank you all for your kind replies. Unfortunately, I can’t sit at the computer, & I can’t log in to Blogger with my Ipaq's browser (thank you Jen for posting this for me) so I can’t comment on everyone's artwork in return. I promise to do so as soon as I’m able. I got my MRI today, & I see the doc on Thursday, so I'll let everyone know what's wrong as soon as I do. After a week I’m still pretty much the same- I can’t sit or stand for more than 5-10 minutes, and I can only walk in baby-steps. Other than that, I stay in bed.

A friendly bit of advice you might not want: Even if you are bedridden, do try to take a crap now and then. I was determined to foil my bowels, using mind-over-fecal-matter, until I was more comfortable sitting down. Well after six days, I just couldn’t hold back anymore. When I was done, it took up 3/4 of the toilet bowl- I shit you not! (pun intended) I begged Jen to save & weigh it for the Guinness people, but for some reason she wouldn’t. Wouldn’t even take a picture. The point is... crap is like emotions. Don’t let either build up too much, because A) it hurts like hell when it finally comes out, & B) when it does, it might be something for the records books.

Thank you Jen, for being my angel & taking care of me, & thank you all for reading this (if there's anyone left.)

TTFN
Tony

Do the Monster Mash

Even monsters like to sit in their bathrobes & have a nightcap.

Day 5, and I still can’t walk, still can’t sit for more than five minutes before the pain in my feet & back tell me that if I don’t get up NOW I will be in agonizing pain for the next two hours. I could be using this time to write, to work on False Idols, to play Civ 4... I go to the MRI on Tuesday & the doctor on Thursday. Until then...

I’ve been reading Dr. Sarno's books about back pain, as recommended by Howard Stern, of all people. His theory is that all back pain is the result of repressed rage & anxiety. The sub-conscious cuts off oxygen to muscles to cause pain in order to distract us from emotions we don’t want to deal with. All you have to do is accept this in your sub-conscious & you shall be healed. Obviously, the solution is to become a serial killer so my pain will go away. So if you see someone in your neighborhood, naked save for a ski mask & New Balance sneakers (& socks so I don’t get blisters) wielding a butcher's knife, you'll know it's me. Although 'till I kill enough to heal my back, I'll probably be in a wheelchair.

TTFN
-Tony

Blog-a-Whine

Hello all.
I did something to my back.
Don't know yet.
Out on disability.
Hope it doesn't last long.
MRI tomorrow-
If I can walk to the car.
Went to the Dr yesterday
Had to lean on Joe
Can't stand up straight.
One of his teachers saw us.
Felt so embarrassed for him
Having fat unshaved cripple
Leaning on him
All he cares about
Is helping me.
I take baby steps
Use rolling desk chair as walker
Jen has to dress me.
At least today
I can get in and out of bed
On my own
Please God
Don't let this be permanent
I'm just making ends meet now.
Disability payout sucks.

Sigh.

Illustration Friday: Feet

I've dusted off a sci-fi book I wrote during the times I was laid off over the past few years. It's still in the first draft stage, so there are many inconsistencies, and one giant plot gap I have to figure out a credible way to fill (or simply change the first fifty pages.) There is also far too much pathos and the main character is too tragic. I feel good that I can see these problems, though it is easy to become too critical. Otherwise, I'm quite happy with it and impressed with myself, if I may say so. Now I just have to find a publisher who agrees with me…

TTFN
Tony

Behold the Artwork of Joe

After drawing a previous Illustration Friday for me (Simple,) Joe is going to participate in Illustration Friday every week. His own blog is dARTh-JOE. (Get it? d ART h – JOE?) Check it out if you get a chance.

TTFN
-Tony

Tiger Tiger

Once again, 'tis time for Illustration Friday. The word of the week is Tattoo. In Alfred Bester's The Stars My Destination (known in Europe as Tiger Tiger,) Gully Foyle is a savage roughneck who is left for dead in deep space. His insane rescuers tattoo a Maori-mask on his face, along with the name "Nomad" on his forehead. When Gully escapes them and returns to Earth for vengeance against those who abandoned him, he has the tattoo removed. However, his skin is damaged; whenever his face flushes in rage, the former tiger-tattoo is left pale. So Foyle must always control his emotions, lest he be recognized- and Foyle is a man full of hatred and anger.

Another nifty subject in the book is "Jaunting." This is the ability to teleport at will, that almost all humans develop. Oh God, how I would love that. However, I'm sure the State of New York would insist on insurance for every person, and yearly physicals for inspection stickers…

Here's a Muppet News Flash: Joe is getting his own blog to put up his illustration Fridays! I'll link to it here when he's ready. Till then…

TTFN
-Tony LaRocca

The Most Boring Blog Entry in the Universe

Hello. I'm here to bore you. I have absolutely nothing to say. However, I thought I should post something, so I'm just going to say a bunch of random gibberish crap. Please feel free, at any time, day or night, to read it and be bored.

I've been too tired lately- it's an effort to get up and face the day, not that my day is that strenuous at all. When I come home, all I want to do is go and take a nap. Maybe it's just too much effort being me. Who else could I be for a change? No one. There's really no one I'd rather be than myself. Isn't that depressing? Maybe it's just too much effort being alive. But what if being dead takes a lot more effort? Then I'd be dead AND tired. That would suck. I think that's the best thing I could tell someone who's contemplating suicide: "Yes, but what if being dead is even worse?" I think the biggest kick in the ass would be if there was an infinite afterlife that was just a repeat of this one. You'd have the same job, same car, same lifestyle for all eternit- Damn, my monitor just blinked again & made a little FFTZZT noise. I hope it doesn't explode in my face. That would be a mess for Jen to come home and find, God forbid the kids to see. And, apart from having glass exploded into my skull, I'd be tired. This month is too damn expensive- far too expensive to buy a new monitor. Would you believe I just spent $350 getting my Grand Marquis inspected? Two steering joints were almost cracked through. Thank God it didn't happen when anyone was driving, though. And union dues are due at the end of the month, and I need new boots… sigh… What if I just got an IV, put some glucose solution in it, and attached it to my wrist? Would that be cheaper than eating? At least I would always get a seat in the handicap section of the bus. We deposited $300 in Savings Bonds we got as a wedding gift- would you believe they take eighteen years to mature? I always thought it was seven- so they were only worth $213. Better than nothing, I suppose, but… eighteen years? That must be inhumanly below inflation.

Bored yet?

Goodnight

-TTFN
Tony

SPLAT!

Some just get all the luck.