Monday, January 31, 2005

Blog on Demand 2

Joseph said I should write about "playing Star Wars ships." My son has two ships- a tie fighter that ejects its wings when you press the right buttons (to simulate being shot down,) and a Millennium Falcon, complete with flashing blue and red lights and roaring sound effects. We chase each other around the apartment, until one of us declares a "hit." The ship that's hit then crash lands (into either the couch or a pile of laundry) until its repaired- usually by some divine intervention of The Force. Other nights, we have duels with his plastic light sabers.

The greatest gift you can give your child is time. I wish I still had the imaginative perspective that Joe does. Someone once said that we adults are butterflies. We've forgotten what it's like to be caterpillars, and sometimes we make the mistake of thinking that our children are little butterflies.

When my (then) best friend Steve Whittaker & I were kids, we used to pose our action figures & Transformers and draw them in battle. I've tried to do this with Joe, but drawing is a bit frustrating for him right now. In the meantime, I'm just happy to spend time with him, though I'm sad he doesn't have a playmate that can better share his visions & enthusiasm.

Steve, if you're out there, drop me a note, would you?



Sunday, January 30, 2005

Out-of-Focus on the Family

Dear Dr. James Dobson;

It's a fothermucking sponge.

Yours truly,

-Tony LaRocca

What a Boring Blog

There's so much to do, and so little time. I should take a vacation, ship off the wife and kids to Bermuda (I'm sure there's nothing Jennifer would love more than a week in Bermuda with a seven-year-old and a toddler to look after,) and try to get some of them done. Then when they come back, I'd have to go to Bermuda by myself for a week to relax from all my hard work. I'm sure that would be appreciated.

Carpe diem, baby.



Friday, January 28, 2005

New York City Moments

These are moments I witnessed throughout my day:

Announcement on the subway: "This is the F as in PHONE train. Repeat, this is the F as in PHONE train."

Homeless man on the F as in PHONE train: "The Daily News is the devil! The Daily News is the tool of the corrupt Bloomberg administration. When you spend fifty cents on the Daily News, you are supporting child murderers, and defiling the heroes of 9/11. Bloomberg paid the cops in Connecticut to take my job away and steal my car, because I didn't want to pay city taxes. Do you have a quarter? Whenever you use a public phone, put a penny in first. This way you'll know if the criminals at Verizon have jammed up the coin slot so they can steal your money without connecting your call." (The only reason I remember this tirade so well is because this wacko was standing next to me on the packed subway and repeated his litany over and over again until I finally reached my stop.)

On the 6 train: An elderly man was about to sit down when a teenager dove over and plopped her toushie down before he could sit. The woman next to her snorted, stood up, and offered the man her seat. He shook his head and refused. The snotty teenager gave the woman a triumphant look, as if she had been vindicated.

In McDonalds: Man 1 was in line. Man 2 entered & stepped up behind him. The following dialogue ensued:

Man 2: You budged in front of me!

Man 1: Excuse me?

Man 2: I've been here all morning, and you budged in front of me!

Woman: No he didn't, he's been here.

Man 2: Oh, that's breeding for you. Your mamma should have brought you up right.

Man 1: Go away!

Woman: I told you, he was here before you.

Man 2: I hope you choke! I hope they spit in your food! I hope it tastes really muthaf**king bad! (Man 1 ignores him completely at this point.) Some people! Yeah, I hope it tastes like rubber.

(Obviously, since we were at McDonalds, these curses came true. Except, hopefully, the bit about spitting in the food. Then again, who knows, it might help with digestion.)



Wednesday, January 26, 2005

A Quick Potpourri of Sap

You know what? I've started this blog twice already. Three times, actually. I started commenting about news items, and then I deleted that and wrote about something that happened at work. Halfway through that, I gave up and went back to the news items. After bitching a bit about the incompetence of the NYC MTA, (we lost an entire subway line because a homeless man set fire to the switching system Sunday. I'm glad they raised fares again in the name of "post 9/11 security,") and blasting the federal appeals court, (they reinstated a case by two obese NY teenagers who are suing McDonalds, because they insist that if they knew that Big Macs, freedom fries and shakes weren't good for you they wouldn't have eaten there three times a week. This is your tax dollars at work here,) I realized I just don't give a poop. My heart isn't into it tonight.

So a quick potpourri of feelings before I crawl into bed: thank you Jennifer for being my angel. I fell in love with you because you're kind. I've never ever seen you laugh at anyone's misfortune, even if it's a character on TV. You only want the world to be a good place. I wish I could be more like you.

Thank you Elena, for plugging me in your blog. Greetings, all French-Toastaphiles. The wonderful thing about Elena is that she not only wants to make beautiful art, she wants to support everyone else's work as well. Jealousy is not in her nature.

*Amendment. 1/28/2005: This is not entirely true. I remember that as a child Elena was quite jealous of Brooke Shields. You see, Miss Shields was also a girl like her- but had the honor of being the guest star on that pinnacle of television high art, The Muppet Show. Anyone who knows my sister understands that her eyes turned a wee bit green that day.

Mary, thank you for making me laugh. Jeff, Jennica, Mandy, Chris, & Craig, thank you for being my friends. This is getting far too sappy, my fingers are sticking to the keyboard. I'm going to wash them off and go to bed. Goodnight.



Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Blog on Demand

(I asked my sister Elena what she thought I should blog about tonight. Her reply was peanut butter. OK, Elena, this blog's for you.)

One of Charles Schultz's little philosophers- it was probably Charlie Brown- noted, "Peanut butter sticks to the roof of your mouth when you're lonely." I don't have this problem. The problem is that I like my peanut butter sandwiches thick, and it gets stuck in my esophagus, making me double over in agony until it finally slides its way down to my stomach. This causes me to postulate, "Peanut butter sticks to the inside of your esophagus when you're gluttonous." However, I'm only gluttonous when I'm depressed. So my theorem is now changed to "Peanut butter sticks to the inside of your esophagus when you're depressed."

The next step is to wash down the painful peanut butter with milk. This causes the effects to go away. So now, I can clearly say, "milk helps alleviate the effects of depression." I'm planning on buying a dairy and selling milk by prescription at $100 a pint. If I get the right money to the right people, I'm sure the FDA will get right behind me. Until you cheap bastards start buying your prescription milk from Canada…



Monday, January 24, 2005

The Book of Snowb

There was a man from the land of Queens, and his name was Anthony. And Anthony walked out unto 160th street and saw that once again the bastards at DOT plowed his car in. And Anthony cursed the day he was born, then thought about it a bit, and cursed the day the bastards at the DOT were born. And he cried out, "Oh Almighty, for seven years hath I lived on this blighted island, and every time it snoweth for the last seven motherf**king years hath the DOT plowed my car under, beith it either the convertible, the Mercury, or the Volkswagen! Gimme a break here, wouldst thou?"

And God replied, "Gird up thy loins and stop thy bitching. Are there not those in this world with far worse problems than yours? Wouldst you rather your wife and children were lost in the tsunami? Where were you when I cast plaster molds of Cookie Monster and Oscar the Grouch, so you wouldst have something to keep you occupied on a rainy day?"

And Anthony replied, "That wasn't you, that was my mother, when she was in her arts and crafts phase."

"Oh yes," God replied, "I forgot. Which remindeth me, she says that you have not gone to confession in at least ten years. The only reason that I do not put a pox on your behind right now is because it's her turn to clean the altar linens, and she's the only one of the Rosary Society who uses Downy. So stop your whining and shovel!"

And yea did Anthony return to the task of shoveling out his wife's Volkswagen, and once more did his mind return to thoughts of winning the lottery and moving out to Monterrey, where there would be nothing to worry about, at least until Lex Luthor wouldst shoot a nuclear missile at California and send half of it into the sea, at which point Anthony and his family would doth movest to "Otisburg."

This is the word of the Blog.

Sunday, January 23, 2005

Flashing the World

I've been playing with Flash lately. It's a cute program. I never really liked things made with it, because I always thought they looked cheap and without style. However, I finally found a way to do frame-by-frame animation with it. You can see my cheesy little opus "Smiling After a Facelift" on the animation page at Egotistical Productions. This was drawn with a mouse, so while the graphics aren't great, I can do the style of animation I like- sort of Plymptonian. I'm still going to continue with my 3d animations, but this is something new to play with for a while.

Some of my favorite cartoons made with Flash can be found at Making Fiends, Angry Alien (30 second films performed by bunnies.), and (in a totally different, sick & twisted vein) Bear Hello. Enjoy!



Saturday, January 22, 2005

Verrry Eeenteresting

I was relocated from the job I was running on Thursday due to a paperwork snafu. (Theirs, not mine.) Friday morning I woke praying that the same thing would happen again- Thursday was a nice low-stress day. During my commute I realized I was praying for the wrong thing. Instead I prayed that I run the job quickly and easily, and that there be no stress or screwups. Or at least if their was, that we would sail through them.

This was the correct thing to pray for, because I was met at my job by help (Kevin, Rauol & John) and the ever helpful Meddi (Matti? I have no idea how to spell it.) It turned out that the powers that be wanted the entire job done in a day (originally I had three) and we banged it out. I couldn't have done it without their help, they really made me look good. The moral of the story is pray for the right thing. Sometimes, instead of praying for the cup to be passed from your lips, you have to pray for the ability to chug without choking.



Thursday, January 20, 2005

Confusion Say...

I'm suffering from terminal confusion. Or perhaps it's the early onset of a midlife crisis. Well, I've already owned the red convertible, so maybe I'm past that stage and heading on straight towards dementia.

Everything used to be so clear. Religion: Roman Catholic. Political Compass: Conservative. Star Trek: Good. Soap Operas: Bad.

Now everything's so confusing, or perhaps it's just me who's confused. I always thought that being a conservative meant small government. Now it means the government trying to constitutionally define marriage and idiotic ideas like privatizing Social Security. I never so much supported the Republican Party, I just despised such democrats as Bill & Hill, & Ted Kennedy, along with the Michael Moores that sacrificed our country at their altar. But now, we have republican president who is an utter nincompoop. Kerry, on the other hand, was a two-faced jackass. So politically, I'm left in the mire, not supporting anything. I feel without conviction. Or maybe it's just realism? I don't know.

I grew up Roman Catholic. I've grown apart from the Church because I simply don't believe in Religion anymore. God is, religion is what man says God is. I believe in God, the almighty, creator of heaven & earth, of all that is seen and unseen… & that's it. That doesn't mean that I have anything against people who have faith, or follow any religion. If you get comfort from it, then I'm happy for you. I just honestly never did. But these days I feel, as Brother Theo put it in the Babylon 5 episode "Passing through Gethsemane:" "Rudderless, directionless. Cast adrift without compass on an ocean of ecclesiastical possibilities. Tossed by the winds this way, that way…"

I always wanted to be a writer, so I went into the Army after high school. I'm still trying to figure out that one myself. I'm an electrician now. I'm grateful I have such a good job and a way to support my family, but at nighttime I go to bed wondering how the hell I got here.

Star Trek bores me to tears now- except for "The Wrath of Kahn." That's still the greatest science fiction movie ever made. "Kirk... my old friend…"

Soap operas are still bad- at least I'm clear on that one. I was working in an apartment, and the owner left me alone with his beautiful greyhound puppy. He left on the TV every day to keep the dog company. Unfortunately, it was always Days of Our Lives. When the characters screamed at each other, the puppy would cower in the corner. I turned it off. Dogs should only watch educational TV, like The Venture Bros., and The Muppet Show. OK, Star Trek too, but only the original series. Shatner is God.



Tuesday, January 18, 2005

I'll Just Type in Anything Tonight...

I'm so lucky to have such a wonderful family. It's wonderful to have a place I can come home to, where I'm loved and accepted no matter what.

Can anything be transubstantiated? Reeses cups for example. If a priest was in a pinch, could he make Reeses cups the body of Christ? How about Jack Daniels or Diet Pepsi Twist as the blood of Christ? Why does it just have to be grape wine?

For those who are interested in dreams… last night I dreamed I was still in the Army, but I was contracted out to one of my old shops (Allran Electric.) For some reason my barracks room was my old bedroom. There were little green flies & silverfish everywhere. I killed all the ones I could see, but more kept on coming. I looked and the wood around my windowsill was rotten and infested. Anyone care to analyze this one?

As long as they're cross-platforming everything, how about a video game with mud wrestling between Laura Croft & Sammus Aran? The winner could get to take on Aeon Flux… All right, I guess it's time to go to bed.



Monday, January 17, 2005

Analyze Me!

Anyone out there into dream analysis? Here's one from last night:

Jen & I were living at my parent's house, in my old room. I got up in the middle of the night. In place of the den was a giant chemical factory. I took a Perdue chicken & ran it under some chemicals. Two of my father's friends- Mr. Taylor & the late Mr. McGoey- ran over and told me I had put the wrong stuff on the chicken & had to do it again. (This is probably a remnant in my brain of the hot/cold mustard chicken puzzle in the computer game "Starship Titanic.")

I went back to bed. There was a computer keyboard in bed with us, and every time I rolled over, I did something that changed the machinery in the factory (I could hear the pumps switching on and off.) I took the keyboard out of bed and looked at the monitor. I couldn't decipher what was going on, but there were lots of small thumbnail pictures of landscapes. I roused my father and asked him what it meant. He said that I had messed up the e-mail for my (late) grandfather's barbershop. How was my grandfather going to keep his appointments now?

After my father went back to bed, I heard a scraping noise. The keyboard disappeared under the bed, followed by the mouse. I looked under the bed and saw a figure scuttling toward a hole in the floor. I threw a blanket over him and gave him a good kick. When I pulled the blanket back, I saw it was The Monarch- a hapless villain from "The Venture Bros."

Then I woke up.

Anyone care to decipher this one?



Sunday, January 16, 2005

Occasional Philosophical Mulling

In recent conversations about the tsunami & mudslides, I've heard people ask, "Where is God?"

If my early thoughts on E=mc(squared) are true and we are all slivers of God, does it not follow then that we do God's work and answer His prayers for Him? When people prayed to God for help, God helped them through the donations and actions of other people. When a child is sick and his parents pray for help, God helps through doctors and medicine. This is why I believe so strongly in scientific research, from cloning to stem cells. Every bit more that we learn helps us to serve God better.

No, I'm not a religious freak- I believe there's a big difference between God & religion. God is, religion is what mankind says God is. There's a difference. But wait, I hear you cry, aren't you telling me what God is? No, I'm telling you what I think God is. You're free to figure him/her/it out on your own.

That also means that we have to answer our own prayers. We can pray all we want that we become concert triangle players, but unless we practice every day, we'll never get up there to play that coveted instrument. We can pray that we ace that big exam, but if we don't study for it, it won't happen. If our hearts are broken & we pray for peace, we have to find the peace within ourselves. That doesn't mean that prayer doesn't work- it does. Just realize you may be called upon to answer.



Friday, January 14, 2005

Scrambled Hamster Brains

I'm feeling a bit blah tonight. I've been feeling blah a lot at night, lately. I feel a lot better in the morning. I used to be a night person. I guess my circadian clock is all fubar.

Did I ever tell you I did that to my understudy hamster? A lifetime ago, when I joined the army, my little sister Mary told mom and dad that I was the only one who understood her- and the only thing that could fill the hole I had left in her heart was a hamster. Three months later, when I was on leave, I accidentally kicked the poor thing while it was running around in its little hamster ball, blissfully unaware that I was running down the hall in the other direction. The damn hamster spun head over heels while the ball went whirling away. We all got a good laugh. Well, I must have scrambled up its little rodent brain, because it wasn't nocturnal anymore. It ran on its little squeaky wheel all day and slept all night. It died a few days later.

Somewhere, along the line, I think something must have given my own plastic ball a kick.

(I'm including this in every post until the end of the auction- even if some of the $ does go to Indonesia.) The beautiful and multitalented French Toast Girl has placed one of her paintings on Ebay to raise money for the victims of the Asian Tsunami. Please check it out here.


Thursday, January 13, 2005

Ripped from the Hemlines!

>>>ITEM 1: We're Back-Taxing You for the Good of our Teens.

NYC has officially become the worst place to live. Our new tax laws state that if you buy something out of state or over the internet, you're supposed to declare it at tax time. (They once took down the numbers of NY license plates they spotted in a NJ Ikea parking lot.)

Many people have been buying cigarettes online, trying to avoid the combined NYC and NYS tax of $3. So, knowing this was going on, did the city say anything? No. They waited until people accumulated $900 in taxes PLUS INTEREST & PENALTIES UP TO $200 A CARTON before they sent them a "pay now or loose everything" letter. (This is the same terror tactic the music industry used to sue people who were downloading songs off Kazaa.) This proves that they're not so much interested in getting their money as they are in scaring the citizens of the city into line.

So, you people out in the civilized US ask, why is the cig tax so high here? Finance Commissioner Martha Stark says, "The tax was increased because we wanted to keep young people from starting to smoke. Going on the Internet and purchasing packs without the tax evades the strategy around saving people's lives." That's nice, but they haven't targeted any teens with the latest blitz. And they probably won't, because most teens don't have a pack-a-day addiction that would rack up the big bucks. Come to think of it, most teens don't have credit cards, so they wouldn't be able to order ciggies off the internet anyway.

Now, before you anti-smokers shake your spears in the air and scream, "Victory!" think to yourselves- what kind of door does this open? As I said before, NYC citizens are supposed to declare ANYTHING bought out of state. What happens when the city starts sending threatening letters to every city dweller who has purchased gas while on a road trip (or had an emergency water pump fix,) or ordered things off the internet? Unless you've paid by cash or MO, you've left an electronic trail. They'll wait for a few years until you've accumulated a whopping fine, then they'll smack you.

And if you're somewhere in the rest of the country laughing at us, just wait. Once your elected officials realize they're getting away with it, our City Elders will show them the way.

>>>ITEM 2: Thank You for Saving Us- Now Get the f**k out!

After all we have done for Indonesia, after we've poured millions of dollars and given them our military to help them after the tsunami destroyed their country- the Indonesian government has said that it wants us out by the end of March.

"Three months are enough," Vice President Jusuf Kalla told the official Antara news agency. "In fact, the sooner [they leave] the better."

Kalla's government also forced the Abraham Lincoln, from which Navy pilots have flown dozens of food supply missions to the hard-hit Aceh Province, to steam out of Indonesian waters because they refused to let U.S. pilots fly training missions in their air space.

The Indonesians also refused to let the Marines coming ashore rebuild roads, establish a base camp or carry arms. (from the NY Daily News.)

Fine. Let's just pack it up and go home NOW. Evict the Indonesian ambassador from the UN, cut off ALL further funding, and just put a big imaginary wall around their country. Sorry, Indonesians, but you're better off without us anyway. While you're at it, get Michael Moore to come down there with a camera crew, so he can show the world how our evil conquering army is really intending to take over your country instead of rebuilding it. Best of luck to you. I'm sure France, Saudi Arabia, Switzerland, Germany, Russia, Syria, or some other less "stingy" nation will rush in to help you. I'm sure the only reason they're not doing it now is because we're there, and we smell.

(I'm including this in every post until the end of the auction- even if some of the $ does go to Indonesia.) The beautiful and multitalented French Toast Girl has placed one of her paintings on Ebay to raise money for the victims of the Asian Tsunami. Please check it out here.



Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Feeling Groovie...

I know it's boring to read- but would you actually believe I had a nice, low-stress day today? I went to work all wound up, ready for the day's shenanigans, and it all actually went down pretty smoothly. I came home, took a little nap, played "Star Wars" with my son, was silly with my daughter, watched a "Babylon 5" (the greatest show ever made) episode on DVD with my beautiful wife- thank you Netflix- and I'm going to bed in a few minutes. (Of course, we had dinner, I went to the bathroom, took a shower, etc, but you don't want to hear about all that… I hope.)

I don't even feel like bitching about politics or the news. It's a nice, low-key day. So I'll leave you with the following jokes. These are guaranteed to make you popular. Just tell me if they don't, and I'll pretend to be your friend for you. See how it works?

Jesus walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Close the door- were you born in a barn?"

A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"

Two guys walk into a bar… you'd think the second guy would have ducked!

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, why the long face?"

A man walks into a bar carrying jumper cables, and the bartender says, "Don't start anything!"


A piece of string walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out- I don't serve string here!" So the string goes outside, lays down, and rolls around, getting himself good and tangled up. He walks back into the bar. The bartender asks, "Aren't you that piece of string I just threw out of here?" And the string replies, "No, I'm a frayed knot!"

Why is an electrician like a 3-way switch? Because it takes 2 travelers to make him work! (Ask a union electrician to explain it to you… just make sure he's not a steward…)

Did you know they're wasteful in South Africa? When they kill an animal, instead of using the whole carcass, they only use a part hide…

(I'm including this in every post until the end of the auction.) The beautiful and multitalented French Toast Girl has placed one of her paintings on Ebay to raise money for the victims of the Asian Tsunami. Please check it out here.



Sunday, January 09, 2005

Random Acts of Kvetching

Not to toot my own brain, but I'm a member of Mensa. Last month's issue of the Bulletin had a picture of a young woman with various piercings & tattoos, along with the caption "Generations in Mensa." The letters responding in this month's issue referred to her as an "abomination," a "mutilated trollop," "disgusting," "freak," the list goes on and on. One even quoted from the books of Leviticus & Revelation about how God was going to give her a good comeuppance the next time he saw her. This really depresses me. It seems no matter how old or intelligent they are, (the editor notes that these letters were all sent in by members over the age of 54,) people can still be as mature and understanding as children at the playground. Obviously, there's a bit of displacement going on here- something in their real lives are bothering them, and instead of taking care of it, they flame some woman for looking different than they want her to. Sigh.

My son Joe and I often go bowling. Like most seven-year-olds, he has his own way of flinging the ball down the lane that makes me terrified his fingers are going to snap. Well, I should learn this technique because he bowled two strikes in a row- and not from ricocheting off the gutter bumpers either! I started referring to him as "Double-X." He became all upset and embarrassed. I was surprised, and explained it was a good thing, and he should be proud of the things he accomplishes. He said he knew, he understood, but please don't call him that. Of course, I don't want him being a show-off or a braggart, (anyone who knows Joe knows that this is impossible- he's too sweet for his own good,) but on the other hand I really hope he hasn't learned all ready to hide his light under a bushel. School has a way of cramming that into you early on.

Why don't people ever write real e-mails anymore? I get forwards all the time- jokes, prayers, chain letters, jpgs of well endowed… you get the picture. But no one ever writes just to tell me how their lives are going, or what's important to them. The other night on Jerry Doyle's radio show, he one-upped my feelings and suggested that we shouldn't be e-mailing each other, we should be snail-mailing handwritten letters. When we write by hand, we say what we mean the first time. When we edit, we may think we're saying what we really want to- but we're not. Something to think about.

(I'm including this in every post until the end of the auction.) The beautiful and multitalented French Toast Girl has placed one of her paintings on Ebay to raise money for the victims of the Asian Tsunami. Please check it out here.



Painting Auction for Tsunami Relief

The beautiful and multitalented French Toast Girl has placed one of her paintings on Ebay to raise money for the victims of the Asian Tsunami. Please check it out here.

Saturday, January 08, 2005

Thoughts that Keep Me Awake at Night

Why exactly does perspective (things get bigger the closer to you they are) work? Is it because light waves shrink in amplitude the farther they get from their source? Please don't tell me it's how our brain's interpret the light, because even a picture made with a pin-hole camera is in perspective. I've never found an answer to this.

For that matter, why does gravity work? This is one of science's biggest questions. We know the larger the mass is, the greater it's attraction of other masses, but why? You can't touch gravity, you can't see it, but we know it's there. Is gravity a sign of God?

If the mind processes conscious thoughts sequentially (in series) and the subconscious processes thoughts simultaneously (in parallel) does that mean that Ohms law (Power = Current * Energy) applies to our minds? That would mean that series circuits- or conscious thoughts- would require more energy, and parallel circuits- or subconscious activity- would require more current. Can we use this formula to concentrate more?

Why do they insist on pumping out bad remakes of classic movies? The Manchurian Candidate, Psycho, Bedazzled, and now the almighty Willy Wonka! Is NOTHING f*#king sacred? These people should be put up against a wall and shot. While you're at it, put Lucas down there to for desecrating the original Star Wars trilogy with all his tweaks.

If E=mc(squared) means that you can't create or destroy matter or energy, then every one of us must have existed since the beginning of time and always will exist. Does that make us all slivers of God?

How is it that time and space are infinite in all directions- that you can go out into space and go on and on forever and ever. What was here before the big bang? Does this freak anyone else out?

Let me know if anyone else has insomnia-causing thoughts of their own.



Friday, January 07, 2005

Video Games Should be Banned!

Something has to be done about video games.

They suck.

All of them. I can't think of one game recently that's been worth my time- much less the $55 dollars you're expected to pay for them nowadays. Honestly, if I had really bought them instead of stealing them off of Kazaa, I'd be pissed.

Let's face it. Doom3 and Half-life 2 are really just Wolfenstien 3d with window dressing. You run around, you shoot what's in the center of the screen, and you repeat. Even GTA has lost it's thrill. Sure, dealing drugs, killing innocent bystanders and having sex with prostitutes to boost your health is fun, but in the meantime there's this stupid game you're supposed to be playing.

So get a life, I hear you cry. Turn off the computer and do something productive. Screw you! I spent a grand putting this computer together with the fastest processor, ATI card, memory, and infra-red controller, just so I could play these lousy games with all the bells and whistles. Promises were made, and I expect these game companies to pay up with something entertaining so I can hide from myself. That's the American Dream.

They're all so boring! I finished Half-life 2 in a week, for what? "Ooh, Mr Freeman, we G-men have to put you back in cold storage until the next game… aren't we mysterious?" First person shooters have become impossibly hard and full of spawning monsters, just so you don't figure out that the developers didn't spend a very long time making the game. Even adventure/puzzle games have become ridiculous. Myst 4 was a load of fun until I got to the end, where I'm floating in la-la land and I have to figure out the sequence of the voices- and when I do figure out the sequence, I have to figure out by trial and error the exact combination to enter them in order. I had to find a goddamned walk-through, and now my ego is shamed. Give me another piece of pecan pie!

I suppose it's just my superego telling me to get my ass off the computer and change the baby, but I'm just fed up with all of these games. Even Hack, the greatest computer game ever made, doesn't thrill me anymore. I played board and card games online until I realized that I don't like playing them, I just like the real-life interaction of friends. Too bad none of them live in Queens.

Sigh. Another attempt to escape reality down the tubes. Thanks a lot. So Join me, my brothers and sisters, in deleting all your games. Let us not waste our hard-earned time stealing them off the internet anymore. We should only use the internet for what it was intended. Porn.



Thursday, January 06, 2005

Ripped from the Headlines!

"150,000 dead- 30 of them American!" Does anyone find headlines like these as crass as I do? Does the media think we won't care that so many lives are destroyed if at least one of them isn't an American? Even worse- are they right?

Environmentalist Jeff McNeely of the World Conservation Union gave economic progression a big tsk today. According to him, if they hadn't torn down those coral reefs to build resorts out in Thailand, the death toll would have been much lower. Yeah, yeah, and the tsunami happened because Bush didn't sign the Kyoto Treaty…

They've just passed a law in NYC that would hold gun dealers responsible across America if firearms purchased from them were used in a NY crime- if the dealer sold the firearms without performing a criminal check, or sold more than one firearm to the same individual without waiting thirty days. Despite both a hard streak of objectivism and conservatism- in addition to my support of the NRA- I actually support this particular bill. The truth about owning a gun in NYC is that it's easier to get one illegally than to get it legally. The plethora of gun laws here only restrict the legal gun owners, not the criminals. However, most of these illegal firearms are bought out of state en masse at gun shows and then brought here. This bill would help prevent that. I firmly support the right to bear arms, and I believe criminals should be the ones responsible for their crimes, not gun dealers. But I also believe in common sense over the fear that if you give an inch they'll take a mile.

Andrea Yates' conviction for drowning her five children one by one while they screamed and begged their mommy for their lives- was overturned because it never happened on "Law and Order." Apparently, if the jury never would have convicted her if they thought she got the idea from her own sick mind and NOT from TV. Would someone please explain this to me?

Public comment ends January 10th for the MTA's proposed law prohibiting taking pictures on the subway. Supposedly, this camera ban will prevent terrorism. This is the same MTA that wants to close ticket booths and cut back on bus service while simultaneously hiking fares. Perhaps they're more afraid of people documenting the deteriorating condition of the subways and the stations.

Lastly, a note to the NY Daily News. While I agree that "Who's Your Daddy" is a deplorable show and that Ashlee Simpson is an utterly talentless bimbo, these news items are not- I repeat NOT worthy of front page banner headlines. Open up your eyes and see the world around you, jackasses.



Wednesday, January 05, 2005


While viewing the devastation left in the tsunami's wake, Collin Powell said that he hopes Muslim terrorist countries will see how generous the United States is.

You're kidding me, right?

People who hate us, hate us. They don't care that we shell out more to help the problems of the world than any other country on the planet. How many countries that we've poured out money and aid to turned their backs on us when we needed them? No, I'm not saying we shouldn't help out- we should. We do. We will.

I'm saying that you can't cure hate with money. If someone's programmed to hate so much that by the age of ten they're ready to strap on some bombs and blow themselves up, no amount of money is going to change their hearts.

The UN's gall at calling us "stingy" because hey, we just don't pour even more of our money into areas where the local governments hate us and screw over their own people makes my head spin. Why don't they give them some of that money they stole from the Iraqi people in the Oil for Food scam?

The world has come together over this disaster. Governments and individuals have collectively donated billions. Volunteers have flown in from all over the world to help, just like they did at ground zero. It proves that when you get rid of politics, we all will do what we can to help each other and pray for each other, that the majority of people individually realize that life is precious.

It seems that we have to form groups to lose sight of that.