Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Analyze Tony

Last night I had a recurring dream: I was zooming around NJ in my Jetta (most times it's my deceased LeBaron Convertible- sniff) At some point I lose control, but before I crash, I get it back again. I know, there's the obvious parallel to my life- but can anyone come up with something more interesting?

Two nights ago I had an interesting variation: instead of night, it was day, and I was riding all over on my childhood bicycle. (The ugly orange one- not the 10-speed I had as a teenager.) I kept adjusting the handlebars, going hither and yon. Instead of losing control, however, I felt the chain slipping here and there. I got off to see what was the matter, & saw that some of the gear teeth were stripped. I thought of going on, but I was in front of my parents' house, & I thought I should go in because I hadn't seen them in a while, & their feelings would be upset if I passed them by. Odd.


Saturday, January 27, 2007

See the red head being fed bread on his sled being led as he sped to be wed but he fled instead...

Illustration Friday: Red

(click above image for higher resolution)

A friendly little saucer leaves the Red Planet

Red. Blah. It's a little too wide for a subject. Too many things came to mind. The first was the line from Clive Barker's Books of Blood: "Everybody is a book of blood; wherever we're opened, we're red." However, I did the horror shtick last week. (Besides, who needs horror when there's so many cool things in real life?) Other thoughts were the red-shift of starlight moving away from us (sort of like the Doppler Effect in sound,) Santa Claus, roses, and of course, Leo McKern in HELP! as a Thuggee cult leader who wants to sacrifice Ringo, but can't until he is painted red. So I went with my age old fantasy of aliens coming to take me home, back to the normal people.

My head's felt all day like it's full of cotton candy, accompanied by a general feeling of anxiety. I don't know if its the heat in this apartment baking me like a convection oven or what. At least I didn't have to work today. The money's good, but I'm so tired. I like the people I'm working with & for, & they seem very happy with me. Why can't I work so hard for myself as I do for someone else?

Take care, my friends.


PS! Go to the 2007 Bloggies, and vote for Elena (aka French Toast Girl) for Best Designed Weblog! Then tell all your friends to go & vote for her too! Well? What are you waiting for?

PPS- Not to sound jealous or anything, but I'm I the only one to notice that ALL of YouTube's featured Director Videos (across the top and in the right side margin) lately are provided by networks? So much for encouraging the little guy...

PPPS- A kiss on the nose to whoever can tell me what this post's title is from.

4(P)+S- Too late- the winner is Larry Lee, who recognized that the title came from here. (And thanks for deferring the nose-kiss to my kids!)

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

A Public Service Announcement

This is a public service announcement to latest bunch of left-wing schmucks that are swarming YouTube. It is your right to put up videos supporting whatever political views you wish, no matter how asinine I may think they are. However, kindly stop disguising them as comedies, porn, scifi, videoblogs, ect. If you've made a (or are, more likely, just re-posting someone else's) documentary about how you feel President Bush was behind 9/11, etc, then just post it as such. If you're so sure that your views are correct, then why not simply be honest about your video's name and description? I'm getting tired of clicking on a video, expecting it to be something, and finding your propaganda instead. At first it was a minor annoyance, but now it seems you anuses are everywhere.


PS. Just because something made in a foreign country (or on someone's desktop) was not shown on American network television does not mean that it was "Banned in the US!" Just a clue to the clueless.

The Union of the Snake Address

Ah, television, you are a fickle mistress.

Let's start with the State of the Union Address. I'd have to say that Senator Webb's rebuttal was right on the money, from my point of view. Just because the stock market is up, it does not mean our economy is doing well. Right now, most of the people I know are terrified of losing their jobs. With a six-month wait for A-rated Journeymen in NYC, I know I am. We're told that employment is at a high- but what kind of jobs is the President talking about? Working in the mall? Remember, this is the same administration that was referring to flipping burgers statistically as a "production" job, 'till someone blew the whistle. And while I have no problem whatsoever with legal immigrants, I am dead set against a guest-worker visa for "undocumented workers" (known as illegal immigrants prior to 2000. And they say social programming is dead.) As far as the war in Iraq goes, a "troop surge" of any size is pointless without a change in plan. Strike that- they just need a plan, period. I'm not impressed by the president's attempt to shift the blame for our troops' hamstringing in the name of political correctness onto the new Iraqi government. Everyone knows who's calling the shots. I don't hate President Bush, nor do I want to see him crash & burn. I just hope he's finally realizing all the harm that his unwillingness to adapt to changing situations has caused.

I was watching Shark last week, and came across Courtroom Drama Stock Plot 1L95z: Brilliant, psychotic & unquestionably guilty mass murderer plays the system & gets off Scott free. (Law & Order rehashes this plot-line at least once a year.) I never thought about it before, but, apart from O.J. Simpson, how often does this happen in real life? I can't think of one case. Another case of social programming, perhaps, to make the public afraid of due process? I'd much rather see stories about the REAL crime problem in New York: violent crimes being plead down to misdemeanors to make the city's statistics look good. Stories about how our jails are bursting at the seams with harmless drug users, so violent repeat offenders are put back on the street again & again. Everyone wants to pass laws, but no one wants to enforce them.

Alright, enough soap-boxing. Bad Joke of the Day: A termite walks into a bar & asks, "Is the bar tender here?"

Feel free to add your own.


P.S. A note to Donald Trump & Rosie O'Donnell: as a fellow soldier once shouted to myself & another (female) soldier whom I was constantly bickering with, "Would you two shut up & just FUCK already?"

Sunday, January 21, 2007

Super-Duper Super-Men!

Illustration Friday: Superhero

And Superheroes/Come to feast,
To Taste the flesh/Not yet deceased.

And all I know, is/Still the beast is

-The Rocky Horror Picture Show

Elena & I took a drive to see Craig J. Clark (Quack) off before he makes his trek deeper into America to seek his fortune. My Jennifer has often commented that we share a few common brain cells. A brilliant artist all around, a connoisseur of eclectic music, a Dadaist comic stripper, a very good bearded playwright, & a great friend- I'll miss him very much.

Elena Nazzaro, Craig J. Quack, & Kevin Pease

After coming back, I spent the night at Elena & Paul's. My three cutie nieces & nephew, Sophia, Peter, & Angela, spent this morning cracking me up. My three-year-old goddaughter's (Sophia) latest trick is to curl up in a little ball under a blanket & go into her lump shtick:

Paul: Who are you?
Sophia: I'm a lump!
Paul: Do you like to run?
Sophia: I can't run- I' m a lump!
Paul: Do you like to dance?
Sophia: I don't dance- I told you- I'm a lump!
Me: How about jumping- do you jump?

And so on. Ah, such cuteness. It runs in the genes.


Sunday, January 14, 2007

I Want My MTV

Illustration Friday: 80s

Optimus Prime, (from Transformers) in all his 80's glory.

Eight "e"s - get it?

Ah, the 80's: Hawaiian & Izod shirts with turned up collars, denim jackets, WPLJ ("Power 95,") MTV, Atari 2600, Weird Al Yankovic, Huey Lewis & the News, Aliens, Van Halen/ David Lee Roth, R.E.M., Howard the Duck, Men Without Hats, Heavy Metal & National Lampoon magazines, Transformers, G.I. Joe, The Cold War, Dr. Who, Star Trek TNG, Indiana Jones, The Empire Strikes Back & Return of the Jedi, 10,000 Maniacs, Thursday nights with the Cosby Show, Family Ties & Night Court, Pat Benatar, Back to the Future, the great late Sam Kinison, my Ibanez Roadstar II, Iron Maiden, M.O.D. (Method of Destruction,) Nintendo, Tetris, Marvel Comics, Trivial Pursuit, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Danger Mouse, Buckaroo Bonzai, Men at Work, Billy Joel, Billy Idol, Twisted Sister, The Simpsons, Emo Philips, Batman, Smurfs, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Megadeath, the TRS-80 Model III, 286s with MS-DOS, an Apple 2e in every school library, BASIC, Hack (now "RevivedHack"), Pac-Man, Space Invaders, "Come On, Eileen," Eddie Murphy, D & D, Alex- my first girlfriend (poor thing,) my closest friends were Christian Karkow, Robert Eberly, Mike Looney (rest in peace,) Matt Petrakian, Jodi Simmons, Steve Whittaker, Dave Haenggi, Christopher Heekin, Jason LeDell, Julianne Watko, Gil "the Thrill" Hagovsky (stage name Gilbert Brady,) Wendy Hawk, Jay Tidwell, Brock Salsbury, Neslihan Kuyucu, Carol Benevy, Jeff Coyne, & His Indivisible Oneness- Christopher Witlox, Moonlighting, Infocom text adventures, A capella Choir & Madrigals, NJ All-State Choir 1989, Dire Straits, UHF, "We are the World," Stephen King, The Wrath of Kahn, five Hamsters, two parakeets, one eight-inch goldfish, a faklempt dog Elena named Bananas, VCRs, The B-52s, Ronald Regan, Sony Walkmans, "Gloria," The Blues Brothers, Animal House, Trading Places, Ghostbusters, Better Off Dead, AIDS, Truly Tasteless Jokes, M-M-M-M-Max Hedroom, "Where's the Beef," "I've fallen, & I can't get up!" Nancy Regan's "Just say, 'No!'" campaign, and William Annin Middle School, where any creativity or individuality was strategically beaten out of you.

Sorry the blog has been sparse as of late, but I really haven't had anything to complain about. Sure, I could have blogged that a 20k troop surge is too little too late, or that if Cindy Sheehan wants to protest real human rights violations in Cuba all she has to do is walk over to Castro's side & then see what happens, or that Bill Clinton was actually the president who pushed through the laws that give the government the right to snoop into your mail & library records (to catch the Unabomber) with no protest from the media or Al Gore whatsoever, or that FOX is CONSTANTLY PREEMPTING MY SUNDAY NIGHT CARTOONS FOR EVERY #!@%'ING REASON THEY CAN THINK OF... but these are minor kvetchings that cross my mind when I read the news.

What about that fifteen year old kid that was found after being kidnapped five years ago. In five years, he couldn't get to a phone?

Leave your 80s memories at the beep.


Saturday, January 06, 2007

Who Will She Choose, or Creating Bogus Buzz

Illustration Friday: Buzz

The regime change in Iraq reaches even the smallest levels.

For those who don't know, I'm a Local 3 Electrician in NYC. Working at 1 Financial Center, next to the gaping hole that used to be the World Trade Center, (where absolutely nothing has been built after 5+ years, but that's another rant,) I and my coworkers watched as a small plane darted through the sky overhead. We were wondering why the hell a plane was so close to the city- especially the financial center- after, oh, I don't know, 9/11/2001. More to the point, a few months ago Yankees Pitcher Cory Lidle crashed a small plane into an apartment building on the upper east side, killing a few people, causing a fire & havoc. Since then, supposedly, there has been a ban on small aircraft over NYC. But then the plane began to write. Not the puff-dot skywriting letters I've seen before, but actual skywriting, sort of like "Dorothy, suck it!" or whatever it was the Wicked Witch of the West wrote.

We watched as, fighting against the wind, the plane began to write. "W...h...o... W...i...l...l... S...h...e C...h...o...o...s...e...?" Who, we wondered, was this nut who was actually zipping around over downtown Manhattan? Was it a pollitical statement- perhaps who will be Hillary's running mate? (Shoot me now.) Maybe it was a jilted lover who was covertly calling his ex a slut? We watched, expecting some sort of escort planes or helicoptors or something to show up- because, after all, AFTER CORY LIDLE, THERE'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE ANY SMALL PLANES AROUND MANHATTAN.

I searched for the phrase when I got home. Apparently, this skywriting stunt is part of some nationwide advertising campaign for some retarded ABC tv show. (I apologize to anyone who is or loves a retarded person. I do not mean to demean them by comparing them to a television network.) The idea, obviously- is to create some sort of buzz. Morons like me will wonder, "What does it mean?" and create blogs about it. Well screw them, I'll just use their phrase to hopefully lure some poor sucker here. Stick around- it's got to be more interesting than what's on TV! At any rate, it's comforting to know that advertisers- who I am sure paid a hefty kickback to the city- get to violate no-fly zones at the expense of New Yorker's safety. (Insert sarcasm here.)


Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Let the 2007 Rants Begin

And so, it begins.

2006 was one miserable jujuflop of a year. It started off with me dealing with a lot of personal crap I'd rather not delve into at the moment, and went on to get worse as I hurt my back in March & was out of commission for about 5 months. Being in bed for two months straight, of course, caused me to put on a lot of blubber that refuses to go away. Somewhere in there I got nothing done. Sure, I have a loving wife & two perfect kids, so they helped me through. But all in all, I'd have to give 2006 half a star, and that's just because I got to see both Ringo & Jethro Tull in concert.

As far as kicking off 2007, w
e had a nice weekend with mom, dad, Elena & her family, although everyone was a bit burned out from the hollidays. Speaking of whom, Elena's been interviewed by Mother Rising! She was also kind enough to get Joe the Star Wars Saga Chess Set for Christmas. A word to the wise: take a picture of the pieces in the case BEFORE you take them out, or you'll never get them back again.

Speaking of new Star Wars merchandise, does the Manga-style Darth Vader logo that appears on everything they've come out with in the past year annoy the crap out of anyone else, or is it just me?

I saw an idiotic news report where they said that our forces in Iraq are on high alert because of Saddam's execution, but the daily death toll is still the same- about 100 a day. They're afraid the violence will escalate once the state of high alert goes back to normal. Excuse me, but if your "normal" death toll is 100 people a day, WHY AREN’T YOU ON "HIGH ALERT" 24/7? Even better, Mr. President, why don’t you just accept that whatever you are doing IS NOT WORKING? "Ok, I finaly admit, it's all one big fuckup, but let's keep going in the exact same way, without any change in strategy whatsoever." Brilliant.

Mandy went back to school again today after a month & a half of colds & infections. I’m wary, as pre-school is nothing but a biological warfare division of the public schools department. I pray that antibiotics haven't fried her immune system at age three.

My one New Year's resolution is to take care of myself. That includes not beating myself up over things, to be more patient, to stop making opposing choices & being torn apart by them. Oh Lord, give me the ability to change what I can, the ability to leave alone what I can't, & the wisdom to hide the bodies so no one finds me. Seriously, there's a line from the song version of the prayer of St. Francis that makes a pretty elegant mantra:

"Oh Master, grant that I may never seek
So much to be consoled as to console,
To be understood as to undstand,
To be loved as to love with all my soul."

Or, to quote Kurt Vonnegut in Slapstick, or Lonesome no More
Please, a little less love, & a little more common decency!"

May all your hangovers have ended.