Friday, August 31, 2007

Who Snopes the Snopers?

I'm sure most of you have gone through this scenario: Person A forwards to all of his or her friends- including you- some urban legend. This is immediately followed in your mailbox by a letter from Person B, who says, "This story isn't true, check out!" You check it out, and feel you now know the "truth." You have evolved another step on the internet ladder, a rung above those idiots who'll believe and forward anything.

So my question is, why do people trust Snopes to tell the truth? Why are they so sure that everything on the internet but Snopes is suspect? I'm just curious.


Wednesday, August 29, 2007


It's Wednesday, and for the first time in three weeks, I haven't had to work overtime. I don't know what to do with myself, because I'm too worn out to really get into anything. I'm having fun annoying Jennifer with my constant amorous overtures, and watching Mandy take a nap. I miss spending time with my kids so much that watching them nap is a joy.

I'm sure I've mentioned this before, but I love the push the entertainment industry is giving to cracking down on pirated DVDs. According to today's Daily News, the industry "loses" six billion dollars a year, and New York state alone loses fifty million dollars in tax revenues. Don't you wish that you could just make up figures like that and have the newspapers make it sound credible? "I lost five million dollars this year, because subway delays are at a record high. If I wasn't stuck on the subway so much, I could have earned five million dollars."

Ah well, the Simpsons are on, and life is too short.


Monday, August 27, 2007

Hello, Again

Hello, again. Still here, still working a flabbergasting amount of hours. Like so many electricians in NYC these days, I'm balancing self-respect against the fear of losing my job. "Do more with less," seems to be the catchphrase of the decade. Or was that the last decade? Never mind. At least Uncle Sam is making some money.

In other idiotic news from the nanny state, the MTA has apparently banned cell phone use on their buses. I know this because at the front of the bus, they've added a cute little sticker of a cell phone with a slash through it, right next to the ones of a drink cup and a radio. Most bus drivers seem to ignore it, but I actually saw one who refused to drive until a little old lady got off her cell phone. Now, we all hate idiots who shout into the phone at 200 db, but how do you put an outright ban on cell phone use? It's ok if I talk to the person next to me, it's NOT ok if I talk to a black box in my hand. And, of course, there's no law against crazy homeless people who scream obscenities at themselves.

My Sainted Catholic Sicilian Mother threw a family reunion this past weekend. It's so cute watching little kids run around, colliding like quantum particles. If you ever want to study Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle, just let a bunch of 3-4 year olds loose in a confined space, and try to predict their position and behavior simultaneously. It's fun & educational.


Thursday, August 16, 2007

Hello, Out There

I haven't posted anything in a while, so I just thought I'd write and say hello. I'm sorry the posts have been so sparse lately, but I'm the foreman on a job in Brooklyn and I've been working ridiculous amounts of overtime. Dear Lord, I am tired. I'm also cooling off the day with a shot of Jack Daniels, something I admit I do far too often these days.

Sorry I skipped Illustration Friday this week, but "Emergency" just didn't do anything for me. All I could think of was the Australian kid in the episode of The Simpsons when Bart makes a collect call to Down Under to ask about which way the water swirls. "But it's an e-MEH-gen-cee!"

Some thoughts that go through my head these days:
1) If anyone think the "congestion pricing" that Bloomberg is forcing down our (New Yorkers') throats has to do with anything besides sucking as much money out of the residents of the city as he possibly can, I have a bridge in Brooklyn you might be interested in.
2) I'm an Independent and not really interested in the Democrat Party, but I am curious why the Daily News has to work it into at least one story a day that they think Barak Obama is inexperienced- whatever that means. If they insist on spoon-feeding propaganda for Hillary, they could just mention all things that she's done for New York since becoming senator. (Please pause and listen to the crickets. Thank you.)

All right, I'm off to bed. G'night, all.


Thursday, August 09, 2007

Windorphins are an Ebay Ad Campaign!

A Public Service Announcement: If you've ever seen those cute little Windorphin ads and wondered what it was all about, it's just an annoying ad ploy by Ebay. Get it? You WIN the bid, you get WINDORPHINS. There, I've saved you precious internet time you could have spent looking at porn. Feel free to thank me.


Friday, August 03, 2007

"There's Someone In My Head, But It's Not Me..."

Illustration Friday: Missing

I think I went missing a long time ago. If someone finds me, please let me know.

As I ride the F train at 5:30a.m., I've come to the realization that the earlier the subway, the uglier the riders. This is because the more beautiful someone is, the better chance they have of getting a job with regular hours. (The exception to this rule is nurses returning home after a night shift.) Of course, if the MTA actually sorted us by looks, I'd be restricted to riding at two in the morning...

Jen, Joe & I watched Star Trek: First Contact last night. It's a fun movie, but it never impressed me. It just seems like a two hour episode of STTNG. I remember the first Borg episode, "Q Who?" Q sends the Enterprise to a region of space never explored before, to smack some of the self-righteousness off of Picard's face. There they meet the Borg, a hive-like cybernetic collective who are much more powerful than anything crew of the Enterprise has ever encountered. Like true aliens, they act in ways humans can't comprehend. At the end, Picard admits defeat, that there are things out there far beyond human abilities, and Q returns the Enterprise back to Earth's sector of the galaxy before it is destroyed.

Sadly, the Borg became too popular to leave alone, and with each revisitation, Star Trek sociology had to make them more & more human. First came Locutus- the Borg who lived, then Hugh- the kinder & gentler Borg, followed by Jeri Ryan as Seven-of-Nine- the hubba-hubba Borg, leaving us in First Contact with Alice Krige as the vamping Borg queen, complete with sexual innuendos. Another brilliant, original idea, trampled into mediocrity.

Another good giggle in the film is the introduction of the Quantum Torpedo. What in the name of Vishnu's Third Arm is a Quantum Torpedo? Does it have to be observed before it detonates? Does it change the state of being of its target? Does it play dice with the universe? Does it only exist in finite quantum intervals, disappearing from the Enterprise and reappearing instantly at it's target? Don't be silly; it's just a pretty blue ball of light that blows things up. Next up: Star Trek: Insurrection, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying & Enjoy Face-Lifts.


Thursday, August 02, 2007

Zen & the Art of Boredom

It's not easy being bored. It's even harder to bore other people. So often, there are witty, intelligent, or insightful things you can say, like, "This is a hell of a run-on sentence," or, "No it's not, you're just using a lot of comma splices."

I find the best way to bore people is to tell them things they never wanted to know. For example: if you eat something with gravy and cheese for dinner & don't wash your mustache out afterwards, the next morning you're going to wake up with a nauseating odor stuck in your nostrils.

Another good way to bore people is to talk about work. "I put some pipe up today. It was one inch EMT. I used a bender to make offsets. Did you know that the multiplier of the distance between bends in an offset is the cosecant of the desired angle's sine?" If you want to go for bonus points, you can also be arrogant: "I'm much smarter than Blogger, because the word cosecant isn't in its spell-check dictionary!"

However, I've found the best way to be boring is to start conversations about things no one else cares about, such as, "Peter Cushing really doesn't count as a Doctor Who, because he's just a human and his movies were re-makes of Dalek TV episodes anyway," or, "Do you know I saw a ten-foot walrus masturbate at the Brooklyn Aquarium using all four flippers and his tail?"

Please feel free to add your own.