Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Never a dull day at the shit plant

Waiting for the methane fireball.


Monday, April 21, 2014

...or that I don't run into any demonic chickens.

About to go for a walk on the subway tracks. Here's hoping Lex Luthor doesn't eject me from my safety niche! ;)


Sunday, April 20, 2014

Racial Equality!

So... what - she's the cracker Aunt Jemima?

Sunday, April 13, 2014

Happy birthday to... it!

False Idols and Other Short Stories turned one year old yesterday. I would have written this post then, but I had to work all day. Well get back to that in a moment. I wanted to say thank you to everyone who has been so supportive. I've sold 126 copies so far. Not too shabby for the first year of my first book. The next one, a novel, is coming along much more slowly than I would like - that's the problem with having a day job. Thanks again, everyone.


Saturday, April 05, 2014

Couldn't have said it better...

To those who ask why more of my stories don't have happy endings: eat shit & die 233


Wednesday, April 02, 2014

A Look at Nature

Not many people realize that humanity has a symbiotic relationship with other species. While some are aware of our connection with our body's bacteria, few know of our other co-dependent cousins: faex-bacalis. Or, as it's more commonly known, the dingleberry.
This hearty little creature survives by clinging to the gluteal hairs of its host. Sterile, they cannot reproduce on their own, and must rely on the method of ineffective hygiene. However, on rare occasions, they will mate by latching onto each other, and becoming one. This arrangement entangles the host's hairs, which draws his or her attention. Thus, marriage sadly leads to the newlyweds' tragic death, either by toilet paper, water, or on rare occasion, finger.
Its main form of defense is defensiveness, also known as The Silent Treatment. As romantic liaisons invariably result in melodrama (see above), they simply choose to ignore each other. This leads to anger, resentment, a sense that all love is a lie, and a penchant for Taylor Swift and Carly Simon.
Despite their feelings on romance, Dingleberries practice the religion of Zen Buddhism. They accept their place in the universe, and do not fear the inevitable cleansing. But while in some far-off corners of the globe they are considered a delicacy, (and in even father-flung corners, deities,) on the whole, they are written off as embarrassing annoyances that should be wiped and flushed immediately.
(Thanks, Clare.)